I don’t really know where to post this, so I’m putting it here. Because it’s about feeling something but wanting to go on.
I have been feeling anxious/down the last day or so. And that put me into a cycle of bad sleep and more anxiety. Meditation and relaxation exercises didn’t help. Staying up kept me thinking, which didn’t help.
And here’s Monday again, and it’s the same old stuff. Same problems, same worries. I tried to picture what I would do if I could be doing anything at all, and I couldn’t even come up with one thing.
But it is springtime in Providence. I just went out for a few minutes, and the air was warm. The trees are in full flowering mode. I got a vision of myself on a balcony in the warm air, reading a book. Even though I had to come back inside to work, it was a soothing thought.
So what is there this sad little scared feeling that wants to hold on? It won’t let me be that completely “chill” person, the other half. It wants to call S and say I’m not happy. It wants to worry and wallow in the not feeling well. It wants to ruin my productivity, and ruin my health. And it did, for two days and nights. I want it to be gone!



