So, I realized I live my life often feeling like I’m a guest at someone else’s party. And not just any guest, but the guest that the host at the last minute felt bad and said,”Hey, I’m having a party in an hour…if you’re not doing anything why don’t you come? Would you mind bringing some extra ice?”

UGH! I can’t stand that I make myself feel that way. This is my life and I should feel more comfortable living it and inviting other people in to be a part of it (on my terms). But I think the fact that I have realized this about myself is a huge start. Now to discover how to GET OVER IT… I’m getting there slowly.

On the plus side, I do welcome change a lot. In fact, I find myself searching for change for myself much of the time, craving anything that allows me to grow and learn. I have friends who have often noted how strong and brave I am because they see how much I’ve done on my own. For example, I bought a house all by myself when I was 25. That’s something I SHOULD be proud of. Instead, I find that I knock myself down with thoughts like,”Well, I wouldn’t have chosen to do it alone. I had to.” I don’t know why I always think that way. Instead, I need to accept my friends’ encouragement with a simple “Thank you,” and then (here’s the key) internally acknowledge the amazingness that is me. When I actually take the time to look at myself more objectively, it makes me realize,”Yeah, I really AM a pretty incredible individual.” :)

Gradually, I’ll become a better cheerleader for myself. Definitely something to work on. This life is my party, too, and I need to be myself and enjoy each moment!