Today marks 3 weeks… it’s still gradually getting easier, though the cravings pop up once in awhile. The Nicorette gum is working out great. I came the closest to a setback today than ever.
I was cleaning out my truck and was tossing some “empty” cigaretted boxes, when I noticed something jiggling around in one of them. Opened it up and saw two beautiful Marlboros gazing longingly up at me. Or was I gazing longingly down at them? Either way, I spent the next ten minutes arguing with myself about smoking at least one of them. “It’s only one, and I’ve done so well! Reward yourself!” “Yeah, that’s like rewarding yourself for not being in an auto accident by playing in traffic.” “Who’s gonna know?” “I’ll know.” “But it feels SOOOO GOOOOOOD!” And this is where my schizoid conversation paused. I started thinking… “Is it really so good? Why is it so good?” And I just couldn’t put my finger on why I got enjoyment out of smoking. It occurred to me that the relief I get from smoking was due to the craving I had courtesy of the addiction. That was it. I don’t feel better after smoking. I just don’t feel withdrawals anymore. Anyway, I got pissed off and threw the cigarettes away. Screw you Marlboro! I’m gonna do it this time.