HE is the one who deserves to be dead in hell, definately not you!

you do not deserve to be treated like that, no one does. no matter how bad they feel about themselves.

and cutting might not be ideal, but neither is you situation (understatement i know, but i didnt know how else to phrase it). cutting keeps you sane, it helps, so dont worry if you arent ready to give up yet (or ever).

x jaiiy x

I just found this website today and found your entries. Honey, I know it looks incredibly dark and hopeless right now, but things change so fast. If you can go from being okay one second to being horribly depressed the next, it stands to reason that you can go from depressed to happy.

I’ve got major depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder, and while I’ve never engaged in self-harm, I have been tempted.

Accept that what’s happening right now is you’re overcome by emotions, like a river running over a town. What you’re going to need to do is build a dam to keep those emotions and the thoughts they’re tied to to a manageable level. What your brain is telling you: that you’re unloved, that you deserve punishment, that you’d be better off dead; these aren’t logical thoughts. It’s something you’ve been told over and over again that has been tied to your emotions, so they trigger these horrid thoughts, bringing on more emotions and thoughts to damage you. IT IS NOT REAL. It feels real as hell, but it isn’t the truth.

You’re fourteen (or fifteen) years old. All you should have been required to do thus far is be a child and begin the transition to young adulthood. Clearly, your guardians have sucked majorly at allowing you to carry out your job. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Where you are is a reflection of their failure, NOT YOURS. They are a lot like you in makeup, and in order not to feel their own inadequacies, they are projecting their own feelings on to you. You, being the nice person you are, choose not to force your emotions on someone else, and instead attack yourself even more viciously, because, after all, the adults are supposed to be wiser. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

They are adults. You haven’t been alive long enough to know better, but they have. They have a responsibility to you, and they have proven themselves undeserving. THEY DO NOT DESERVE YOU. In fact, you deserve much, much better.

You probably don’t like being called “child”, I know I didn’t, but that is our role, and the fact that they are forcing you into an adult’s role is abominable. Besides, even as an adult they should respect you enough to listen to you. You only have one non-self-harm goal on your list; everything else is a cry for help. That is very wise, that you are asking for help. Help cannot heal you, but it can make your journey so much easier, though it won’t feel that way at the time.

As someone nearing the end of her recovery, I really want to help. Please let me know you’re still hanging on, let me know you’ve been brave enough to get this far.

I would be happy to be here for you, like your “brothers”, and I’ll offer you whatever support I can. Please… just let me know you’re there?

KC