melissa You want to fight about it?

act like an adult this time around (read all 7 entries…)
I did it, but I wasn't too happy about it. 19 months ago

Over the past few weeks, my life has consisted of two things – work and Christopher. I’ve been perfectly content with that, but yesterday J called and told me it was high-time I came out of seclusion and hung out with him. Hanging out with friends…that’s something that should happen, right? I didn’t have set plans with Christopher anyway, so I did it.

I love my friends (the ones I’ve got left anyway), and I’ve always loved hanging out with them. Last night, however, I was almost miserable. I did enjoy catching up with J and seeing random folks I hadn’t seen in a few weeks, but the whole time I was thinking that I would have rather been with Christopher.

I know there should be a balance of time with him and time with other people, but I don’t want time with other people, and I suspect that is quite lame.

Is this normal or I am becoming unreasonably attached to him?

I don’t know.

May 08, 2008, 11:38AM PDT | 5 cheers


Comments:

DanT1999 is happily asserting imperfection

Take what I say with a grain of salt...

I’m the very last person who should be offering an insights in the friendships and relationships, but I will say that I think to some extent what you are experiencing is normal. I think there’s an initial phase in a relationship where the two of you can’t get enough of each other. I think this wears off eventually and reaches a saturation point, and you are then able to give each their own space and not only that, you will need your own space. You probably just haven’t reached that point yet, but I do think it’s the natural evolution of a relationship that you will get there.

I once read something interesting here that may help give you proper perspective… :-)

May 08, 2008, 06:07PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

melissa You want to fight about it?

I never thought

you’d stoop so low as using my own words against me! :)

May 09, 2008, 10:22AM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

AmyBB25 ...and to all a good night!

I think it’s completely normal. If you’re in love why would you want to spend a waking moment with anyone else? I was the exact same way when Todd and I first got together a hundred years ago.

Be warned though, it changes. I love him and we live in Japan together with no one else in our support group but each other…but I talk to someone at home a lot and when I was at “home” I hung out with friends all the time with or without him.

So you’ll still want those friends someday, just like they want you now.

May 08, 2008, 08:21PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

melissa You want to fight about it?

I still feel like an ass.

I am ditching my friends for a guy. I am becoming that girl who does that thing that makes everybody talk about her behind her back, but I don’t care.

In just a matter of months, I’ve gone from not being able to get enough of my friends to not missing them in the least when I don’t see them for weeks at a time.

How should I handle this? Should I force myself to go out with them anyway or just wait until I feel like doing it? I’m a bit afraid that if I wait, there might not be anyone there when I call, you know?

I hate worrying about other people’s feelings! Life was so much easier when I was a total bitch and couldn’t care less!

May 09, 2008, 10:30AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

AmyBB25 ...and to all a good night!

really, Melissa

It’s pretty big that you actually realize you are doing this. I have friends who would do the exact same thing (who get a new boyfriend every few months) but would screechily deny any such thing if confronted. Sigh.

If you want to spend time with Christopher, then do it. If your friends are good friends, and from everything you’ve ever written it sounds like you guys are a group for life, then they’ll still be there, then they should understand.
Why not do things like go see a movie on a Sunday afternoon or have lunch together…?

May 09, 2008, 03:10PM PDT | Respond to this

DanT1999 is happily asserting imperfection

You say you don't care, but you do care...

If you didn’t care, as Amy said, you wouldn’t have these conflicted feelings that you do. And yes, in my opinion, you should on occasion force yourself to spend some time with your friends even if you don’t feel like it.

You are very passionate and sensitive, and you have some volatility in your personality. That’s what I get from your writing, and you yourself have even said as much, and your friends probably get that too. You have put them on a rollercoaster ride the past few months, and the ones that have stuck with you despite that are truly special people. I’ve been told that friends don’t need to feel like they owe each other anything, but I don’t buy that. Of course, you will not be able to spend as much time with your friends as before because you need to spend time building your relationship and your friends being your friends should understand that, but it is not at all acceptable to just disappear for long periods of time and only come running to them when you need them. I think that part of friendship involves sometimes accommodating your friends even when you don’t want to. You and your partner, being secure in your love, should each understand and appreciate the other’s need to on occasion reach out to the people who have been important in their life…

May 10, 2008, 06:43AM PDT | Respond to this 3 cheers

ktcreole needs to get busy working on these goals!

is it possible

can you include your guy in plans with your friends? that way you aren’t sitting at dinner or watching a movie and thinking about him, but you aren’t “neglecting” your friends.

May 14, 2008, 06:36PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

melissa You want to fight about it?

not really...

My friends don’t really like him, ‘cause we were together before and broke up. So he’s on their dead list. But what-evah…I do what I want.

May 14, 2008, 07:02PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

ktcreole needs to get busy working on these goals!

its cool

i like that you’re strong enough to choose whomever you date whether or not everyone likes him, but keep in mind that these people are your friends for a reason. you respect them for a reason so could there be some validity to their opinions on him?

don’t get me wrong, i’m sure that you’ll make the best decision for yourself. i don’t know any of these people, i’m just a huge fan of playing devil’s advocate.

May 15, 2008, 01:20PM PDT | Respond to this


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