I understand this and can sympahize. I was bullied a lot when younger and my reponse was to be clinical like Spock in the old StarTrek episodes. To always control myself and not give anyone any inkling that I was hurt.

It eventually carried over to my whole life and is very hard to shake. Even now when faced with adversity or trouble.. I go into the emotionless mode (I call it my dick mode because I don’t act like I care) and when there I can face anything no matter how bad.

The weird thing is that I always felt everything… I just never showed it.

And I don’t laugh (very often). Best I get is a bit of a snort, and even that’s rare. But the thing is, I’m telling jokes and having a good time. The laughter just doesn’t make it out. Don’t know why. Several of the people I know recognize this and we actually can joke about it. So I guess (for me right now) it doesn’t matter much.

I can emote really easily but not my sadness so much. The one video on Youtube that makes my tears POUR out is “Can: World’s Strongest Dad” I can’t help it, when I see that man tow his son and how much he loves him.. damn. What love. This has been the only thing that has worked for me, I feel like you should watch something that touches you even if it hurts. I slept like a baby that day.

We all show and react to emotions differently. Some people giggle when they are nevous/scared, some people cry when they are happy. How you show, or don’t, your emotions is your own business and part of your personality. Whatever you do to “show” your emotions is what you are and no apology … or change… is required.
If “they” don’t like it: screw’em.