I believe I have Asperger’s syndrome although I’ve never formally sought a diagnosis for it. A few years ago I was told by more than one person that I seemed sort of autistic. I didn’t really know what autistim was although I knew that my mother’s sister had a an autistic daughter (in fact my aunt was one of the people who told me I had some autistic characteristics), so I researched it some and came across Asperger’s syndrome. All the charactersitics I’ve read of AS seem to describe me and my social difficulties perfectly.

I don’t know that I need a formal diagnosis of Asperger’s. It’s interesting and reassuring in some way (I previously wrote about it here), but like anyone else I still have to work on overcoming or learning to live with all the difficulties I have and not use having whatever condition as an excuse not to progress.

When it comes to friendships and relationships people tell me to just take things as they naturally come, but that approach obviously doesn’t work for me or else I’m just not doing it right. This is why I spend so much time thinking about how people connect and stay connected because I don’t form connections easily or stay connected easily or at least not as easily as most people seem to. Actually, I seem to do okay when there is some type of structure and element of predictability and consistency to the interaction, but I find that people are rarely willing to provide such consistency over the long run, and that confuses me. I don’t feel safe when there’s no consistency and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do when people don’t respond predictably.

There are a lot of elements of communication with which I seem to have more difficulty than average. For one, I often seem to take what people say more literally than I should, and I often can’t tell when something isn’t meant to be taken literally. I’m also known for speaking bluntly and perhaps more bluntly than I should. In fact some people specifically come to me when they want an honest opinion because they know they will really get one from me. Most of the time, I learned just to keep my mouth shut and not say anything at all, and I don’t like lying just to make someone feel better or just to say something that someone wants to hear. I’m known for not being able to lie very well, so it’s kind of pointless anyway. Some people think I’m cold and statistical, but when I have a personal interest in someone I tend to go to the opposite extreme…

I could go on and on. If these things don’t describe Asperger’s than I don’t know what does…