(sorry, this came out a lot longer and more bitter than intended)

It’s getting harder to save these days. Aside from food and rent, the thing I spent most on this year was trying to build up my arsenal of craft tools, closely followed by medical bills. But the rise in the price of food has been the real shocker. Burger King and ramen would be cheaper than what I eat, but I need what of my health I can maintain because being sick is already cutting into my ability to do my job, and I need the job so I have health coverage that makes the doctor bills less costly.

As of right now I have $15,000 in the bank, which is much less than I’d intended to have by this point. I’m hoping in a few months to make up the difference by moving and paying less rent, and, after the surgeries, add to my income by selling stuff I make.

I didn’t believe someone a few years ago when they said that lack of universal healthcare was what was holding so many people back from pursuing more satisfying careers, doing what they wanted to with their lives. I sure as hell believe it now. I’m still planning to pursue my dreams, but the thought of doing it without the health benefits offered by a large corporation scares me. It means I need more of a nest egg before I leave in case something else happens to me. I’m only 26 now, what’s going to happen to me as I get older?

I’m angry, to be honest. Angry at having poured five years’ worth of savings into my fucknut ex and having had to start fresh two years ago. Angry and jealous of all those people who have mommy and daddy to fall back onto if they make a mistake. Angry at the ridiculous excuse for healthcare we have in this country. Angry and frustrated at being trapped in the corporate machine, which is slowly grinding me to a nub and probably contributing to my health problems.

I don’t know what else I can do right now, and I’m getting antsy. There’s not much I can cut expense-wise. I don’t have cable, I rarely go out, I buy my clothes at the thrift store, I don’t own a car, and my cash is in a high-yield savings account (or what passes for one these days, anyhow). Is that it? Am I going to have a nervous breakdown before I can finally afford to get out of this industry and do what I was meant to do with my life?