I struggled so much with this two years ago. I couldn’t let anything go. I held a grudge against my friends for not being there, against the people who made these bad memories come to life, and against myself for doing what was right but not what was satisfying to do in the situation.

But I’ve come out of it as a much better person. I went from “half-empty” to “half-full” and maybe it took me this long for a reason. I’ve matured a lot and I’ve opened my mind.

Am I over it? For the most part but I don’t think I’d ever forget it. And that’s how I’ve learned to live. Forgive but don’t ever forget. Because if the memories aren’t there- the history will repeat itself. I never want to learn that lesson again.

Funny thing? Right after It happened I always said “If I were in that situation I again I’d definitely do something different” but now that I think about it- if I could change it I wouldn’t. And if it happened again I’d probably do the same exact thing again. Not because I’m stupid and didn’t learn, but because I’ve realized that even though it wasn’t the most satisfying response I had to what happened that day- it was the best solution. I did the right thing to begin with. And I guess doing the right thing can be just as hard to deal with as doing the wrong thing sometimes.

The dust has settled and I’m still standing. I came out of it- I got through it. And I’m still here; stronger each day.

To anyone else dealing with the skeletons in their closet I know exactly how hard it is to hide them and how hard it is to move on from them. My advice is to not hide them. I’ve been very open about my past and I think it’s helped a lot. It shows me who my real friends are; the one’s that still understand me, stand by me, and respect me even though I’ve been through rocky times. And I think they understand me more and stand closer to me and respect me more for telling them.

Sometimes the best solution to getting over your past is to never hide it. Good luck to anyone else who needs it as badly as I once did. You can do it. :]

[Boy, this was a long entry! Sorry! >.>]