sent to the courthouse, paid the lawyer and went over everything. Court date July 9th. still nervous until it is all over but somehow a feeling of it being closer to an end is good. Got nice and drunk last night, somehow this feels like a failure in my life and I have to deal with that while also accepting that somehow this is a step forward. So many mixed feelings with all of this, an end and a beginning. Time will make this feel better as well as a really making the effort to clean up my credit, that will be key to making this feel like there was deeper a purpose.