Well talk about obstacles…I have time and time again realized that I have self-confidence/self esteem/beleiving in yourself issues. I think I know why this has happened to me.
When I was in 7th – 8th grade my friends eventually stopped hanging out with me…they slowly stopped calling me and we parted ways.
I thought it was because I was ugly, not cool enough, not fun enough to be around, and so on. I was really a self-concious kid back then because I had bad acne and it made me feel very self-concious and fearful of what others think of me.
This then happened to me again with my friends the beginning of my senior year of high school. Two kids that I was best friends with, Jay and Chris. I was so distraught by this that I would lay in my bathroom at night with the door locked so my parents wouldn’t worry about me and just lie there on the cold floor thinking about how shitty my life was and what was wrong with me. I even thought about the “S” word once or twice.
These two tragic events during my childhood and my self-concious manner due to my skin made me a very uncomfortable/ not self-confident/ low self-esteem child.
The problem now is that I think I am still feeling the effects of my childhood. I have low self-esteem. I don’t believe in myself when it ocmes to social situations. If you put me on the soccer field or in the class room I know I will do amazing. But in social situations I don’t believe in myself.
I am working to try and fix this. I have a pretty great life, and I think that being confident and believing in myself will make my life the extraordinary life that I have always dreamed of.
Right now I am at a top tier University in a top five business school. I have a few groups of friends, I have good grades, a good job, I can have any job that I want when I graduate (literally, that is a perk of being in a top 5 business school).
The only thing I don’t have is alot of sex/hooking up with women. I think the reason is because of my low self-esteem and self-confidence only in social situations.
What I need to realize is that I am great in social situations too. I have no reason to be timid and shy. Let bygones by bygones and so on and so ( a rapper once said). I really do believe that I am an amazing person, and I should start believing that. I need to trust myself and know that what I am thinking and what I am doing is the right thing to do.
Also, I forgot to mention, I have a great home life. My parents/ my sister love me very much (not to get sappy on you). It is really just those bad experiences I had when I was younger that lead me to believe that I was bad in scoial situations and I am not good enough to hook up with hot girls.
Well you know what…I am a stud in all aspects of life. I need to believe in myself and what I am capabale in ALL ASPECTS (not just sports and school). I am great. I am real great.
I need to maintain this attitude and believe it deep within my loins. That will cement this into my brain and body.
Well its late, so good night.
And remember…I am a stud in all aspects of life. :)