I haven’t gotten back to everyone… I see there are a lot of new people on now and reading all of your entries makes me want to cry. I am doing SO WELL since getting out of treatment. The treatment facility I was at is a Rader Program (google it). It’s called Pacific Shores Hospital in Oxnard, CA. Every single post I’ve read makes my heart break for you. I know exactly how you’re feeling and the ONLY way out is to get help. It’s not about the food… it’s about feelings and you need help sorting all that out. A month of inpatient therapy is equal to a year of outpatient therapy. For those of you who do not go to outpatient therapy it’s better than nothing, but so many of you really need inpatient therapy!!! It’s covered by insurance! The program I was at in california is wonderful. They take all types of eating disorders, even compulsive overeaters. I would have never considered going if I hadn’t hit rock bottom and was so depressed that I could barely make it to work. I never thought my eating disorder was “bad enough” to go because I was normal weight. Guys… if it’s affecting your daily life, ITS BAD ENOUGH. It’s not normal to get on the scale 10 times per day. ITS NOT! It’s not normal to let that number RULE YOUR LIFE. I haven’t weighed myself in 3 months (they made me throw my scale away) and I haven’t binged in 3 months. I haven’t restricted in 3 months or used diuretics, laxatives, or compulsive exercising. And guess what…. my clothes fit better than ever. I look great and I feel great… I have energy now…. My nails grow. I got my period for the first time in a year and a half (don’t know if that’s good or not…) And best of all…. all the time I spent obsessing about food and hating myself… now I’m LIVING MY LIFE. It’s wonderful. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance. Being at the program changed my entire life… and saved it. I never could have done it without being inpatient. They had to literally make me eat all my meals for me to see that I won’t blow up like a balloon if I actually eat. I didn’t! I eat (I’m not supposed to count… but once in a while….) 2000-2200 cals/day! I haven’t worked out in 3 months! My clothes fit better than they did before the program.

Please… I beg you… check into the Rader program. Most all of the staff there have eating disorders as well, even the physicians. They know what they’re doing. YOU ARE SO WORTH IT. Don’t waste another day of your life hating yourself. Life is too short!