It’s been a hard two days. Mainly because I’m going around in circles regarding one particular situation in my life. My thoughts are hectic, sometimes panicky, and totally out of my control. I feel I just need to write. Something…anything…. my thoughts need to become my friends again, they need to calm down. Writing always helped in the past, why shouldn’t it now?

I can’t stop and rest with this because the thoughts go back to orbiting like crazy. Just punching the keys one by one…it doesn’t even matter if it’s gonna make any sense or not… the purpose will be filled. .....pause….pause…pause…pause…pause…pause…pause…
What do I do? What would be the best thing to do? How can I do it with the least or no bad consequences? There needs to be the way… other people have done it….I can see them living normally around me…they even smile and laugh with friends over coffee…I can do it too… Figure a way to make it work…I’ll laugh about it when it passes ….50 years from now I’ll use it as a cute anecdote over family dinner, surrounded with my children and their children and maybe even their children too…. and I’ll draw it up for them as a nice lecture about the strength of human spirit in the face of adversity…. and my eyes will be filled with inner wisdom and strength that will have a calm glow….and no one will speak until I pause to sip my wine, mesmerized by the tone of my voice…..yes, that’s how it’s going to be 50 years from now…. I’ll giggle inside and think of myself silly for loosing my nerves when I did, and for being in panic when I was, for thinking this could bury me when it won’t, .... yes, that’s how it’ll be in 50 years time. I wish they were already here…