I’m trying to give up Coke (as in cola!), but it’s HARDER than I thought it would be. I’m certainly not drinking the amount that I was before, and in the morning I am drinking lemon with warm water to ‘cleanse my liver’, which for all I know, could be a load of BS, but it’ll be worth it if it’s working. I like the drink, but I want my skin to be clear more than anything else.

I have had to be put on Prozac. My doctor that has been treating me for three years turns out not to have been a real doctor. She f**ed up an operation on my hip, telling me that If I didn’t get rid of it, it could turn into cancer and I would die within five years.

She has made a boy lose the use of this leg. It’s sad, becasuse she wasn’t an awful doctor. I think she knew what she was doing most of the time, but her motives weren’t for the bettering of humanity. They were a small mixture of that, and greed. She should never have given that poor boy a flu injection when he only had a cold.

The only thing I don’t understand is, why would he be so ill? The only thing that makes any sense to me is that he struggled as she gave him the needle (all children do in hospitals, if I’d been there, I would have helped out), but perhaps the needle hit a major nerve, and now it could take months, years, for him to be normal. The mental scarring might never heal.

I have been crying for no reason lately, and feeling extremely despondant. There are some reasons (in my life) why I am feeling this way, but a lot of the time, the strangest things set me off, like a song, or a passage in a poem or a book. it’s hard to explain, but perhaps my depression isn’t a passing thing. Perhaps I have ADHD and clinical Depression. It’s in my family, and being treated with an anti-depressant, a stimulant (because I can’t concentrate) and a sedative for a panic attack, as well as to help me sleep… can’t be bad, ha ha. I sound like something out of the Valley of the Dolls, but they’re not as strong as I am, that’s for sure.

Well, one good thing that has come from all of this is that I am still exercising every day and I’m eating consistently, as well as taking my prescribed meds (as I’m meant to) every day. I’ll be going on the prozac as soon as I’m off the armitrip, and then I’ll be happy and concentrated when I come home to England.

I heard somewhere that nicotine gum is good for the brain, and it might be a good thing to have instead of a cup of coffee. Who’d have thought I’d start out smoking on the patches and the gum, ha ha.

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