Brian’s funeral is on Monday.
I am home for three days to make arrangements and take our son back down.
It has been just five days since that phone call.
Time streches out, passes randomly,
speeds and slows.
Funeral arrangements, decisions, appointments move & fill time.
Occupying the space Brian did slows it down.
Time crawls, travels backwards, lacks focus.
My husband is achingly sad.
His grief is deep and wide, but I hold on to his being in the moment with it.
His response natural & honest.
We hold each other up, I can do this.
My mother-in-law is concentrating on the minutiae.
In this she has control, when she has none elsewhere.
Her loneliness is heartbreaking.
I can support her & be a good companion, I know how to do this. It helps me too.
Myself, I’m awash with sadness.
I know too my anger is raw.
I want balance.
My own dad’s sudden death shadows me more than ever.
My heart, spirit and memory are heavy from loss.
x
