Hmm on Let my soulmate find me. And focus on having a great life on my own in the meantime. on 43 Things

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

Let my soulmate find me. And focus on having a great life on my own in the meantime. (read all 52 entries…)

Hmm — 2 months ago

I met the cellist yesterday. And he said I deserve an explanation for why he`s acting a bit weird, so he told me quite a bit more about what it is he`s struggling with. It has to do with his ex, but it seems very clear from what he said that it is about things he needs to get over, he`s not thinking of getting back together with her or anything like that.
His behavior certainly makes a lot more sense to me now, and I do understand his issues. And he said that he likes me a lot, but things are so chaotic that he hasn`t been able to figure out if he sees this as something with potential for being more than friends.

It is good to know what is going on, I was thinking he was maybe trying to get back together with his ex while meeting me at the same time or something. Also, he said he has been so busy these past months he hasn`t had time or energy to think things through, so he hopes that a few weeks of summer holiday coming up now will help.
In a way, this does sound a bit hopeful, he does like me, and at some point he`ll get over his issues from the past I`m sure. But on the other hand, that might take a really long time. And when he is over his issues, he might decide he sees us as just friends. Sigh.

Jul 05, 03:03AM PDT 14 cheers

Comments:

Silvie Etwassonderbar is carrying her leave over to September....hehe

You have to see this as good news

and of course it is good that he feels he can now confide in you a bit more about what is going on.

I think this is good all round – he must like and trust you a lot to be able to be open. Here’s to a supexiting summer of things getting sorted out all round.

Jul 05, 04:02AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

Thank you! :)

That is true, it is a good thing that he is confiding in me and be honest. And at the same time, he`s not using me as a therapist by talking about it all the time and giving me every detail, which says good things about him I think.

I hope you`re right and that things will get sorted out and end happily! ;)

Jul 05, 04:15AM PDT | Respond to this 3 cheers

Todelou is back on track!

Been threre..

Wow, what you describe is very similar with what happened to me before this summer. He had some baggage and since we also where about to spend the summer in two different towns we decided to put it on hold. Strangely I didn’t see it as something negative ‘cause:

1. He was honest and did tell me his feelings which stated above is a good thing.
2. Every strange signal he had been given now became clear.
3. Either he will realize that he wants something more or not. I can’t do anything about it.
4. If he doesn’t have any interest at all he would stop contacting me and not talk about it being possible after he has cleared his mind.

Anyway, I am not going to sit around waiting for him. I can’t do anything more and if it is meant to be it will happen.

Hope things will work out for you! :)

Jul 05, 04:38AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

Your approach

certainly seems like the best way to go! Not sitting around waiting, ad just thinking that if it`s meant to be he`ll get in touch when he`s ready seems the best idea.
So hard though! I find it is really difficult to be open to meeting someone else while I`m still kind of hoping that this will work out.
But there really is`t much I can do here, except give him time to figure out what he needs to figure out.
And it really is a good thing that these guys are being honest with us at least! :)

Jul 05, 04:56AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Todelou is back on track!

You're absolutely right

Not thinking about him and kind of “move one” when it is not even certain is so hard! It is the first guy I’ve truly liked since my x. Didn’t think that it was possible to feel this way again, which leads me to the fact that I am so afraid of getting hurt, again. So I have to try to think about it as little as possible. I’m glad though that someone can understand what it’s like going trough :)

Jul 05, 05:12AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

It really is

seriously hard! I keep thinking that I should stop focusing on this guy so much, just give him time, be open to meeting other people, and if he gets over his issues and wants our relationship to develop into more than friends and I`m still single at that point, great. If not, we`ll just be great friends.
But then the fact that I like him so much gets in the way of my excellent theories on how to do this… It feels quite impossible to not think much about him and be really open to other possibilities, since I just like him so much. But I guess I`ll just have to try.
But I`m glad someone understands what I`m going through too! :)

Jul 06, 07:09AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

wren this pic of Jack White is brought to you by Arsene Lupin!!!!!

Here's something my therapist told me

that I think is incredibly insightful and absolutely true:

The person who is the least vested in a relationship is the person who holds the power.

Take that knowledge and do with it what you will…

Jul 06, 07:30AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

That - Friede

spooky? - wren

I don`t - Curlychaos SoapDragon

well - Friede

Ah, okay, - wren

This is very true - HippieChick

wren this pic of Jack White is brought to you by Arsene Lupin!!!!!

OMG!

I think that is totally hopeful news!

He is being very considerate of your feelings, which is never a bad thing. :)

Jul 05, 04:51AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 7 cheers

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

Really?

It`s interesting that you think that. Maybe it really is hopeful news! :) Not sure what to think of it at the moment. But there definitely are good things here. He is being honest with me, he`s definitely not planning on getting back with his ex, and he did say he hopes that a few weeks of vacation might make things better. He also said he has no idea if the vacation actually will help ofcourse, that is just what he is hoping for, but I`ll just have to hope it will!
He also said he decided to tell me about this because he was afraid that I might get so frustrated with his kind of weird behavior (as in not calling me and things like that) that I wouldn`t want to stay in touch, and he really didn`t want that to happen because he likes me a lot. Which is definitely a good thing! :)

Jul 05, 05:00AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

wren this pic of Jack White is brought to you by Arsene Lupin!!!!!

I do think it's very good news, yes.

He’s clearly not wanting to toy with your feelings and he actually is taking your feelings into consideration. Many people are not like that, so no matter what the ultimate outcome, if this relationship develops into something more romantic or into more or a friendship, he seems like a good person to have in your life.

Jul 05, 05:11AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 6 cheers

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

He definitely is

a great person to have in my life. And even though I wish things were different right now, he is doing his best to take my feelings into consideration. I was dating a guy last year that I really liked, but he had a lot of ex-girlfriend issues as well. But he just decided to try a relationship with me anyway, he really went for it and made me think everything was great, and then his issues got in the way and we broke up. Which really was not considerate at all, it was really hurtful. At least this guy is taking my feelings seriously and doesn`t want to start anything when he`s not sure if he`s ready for it at all.

I do wish things were different though. But it`s not, so I guess I`ll just have to give him time.

Jul 06, 02:27AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 4 cheers

wren this pic of Jack White is brought to you by Arsene Lupin!!!!!

That's right,

give it time, and keep focusing on making your own life better and stronger.

Jul 06, 05:07AM PDT | Respond to this 5 cheers

Friede has to regain focus

I agree

with what folks have said about how positive this development is. He seems thoughtful and considerate and like he has good boundaries. It is a tough thing sometimes to communicate well about what is going on with complicated emotions and life experiences while you are still in the midst of sorting them out and trying to live a busy life. It also seems to me that he has moved through a little more of his issues because he was better able to talk with you about them.

Jul 06, 08:22AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Thank you! - Curlychaos SoapDragon

araceli2418

I've never been able.....

to get with the guy who I was interested in. I’ve always had to settle. There was one guy that there was a mutual attraction but it would have been a very bad decision to pursue it. He has way too many things wrong with his life and I just don’t need that drama. Besides, you know what they say. You can’t change a man and I was not about to try. I’ve reached a point in my life that I’m utterly sick of settling and I’d rather stay by myself than be in another relationship that’s going to be a complete waste of time.

Jul 06, 10:19AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

Settling

does not feel good at all, I agree! I`ve done that too in a way, I stayed with my ex for way too long for instance. He`s a nice guy, but we are completely wrong for eachother. And on some level I knew that very well, but I was afraid to be alone, and decided a bad relationship was better than no relationship.
Once I decided to finally get out though, it became clear to me how much energy I spent on being in a relationship that wasn`t good for me, and how frustrated and exhausted I had been for a long time because of it. I pretty much hate being single, but it is better than settling for something that is all wrong.

Just wait though, one of these days, when you`re not even looking, Mr Right will turn up! :)

Jul 07, 11:15AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 7 cheers

araceli2418

Yeah it would be nice

if Mr. Right showed up soon but in the meantime I’m focused on the things that make me content in life. Life is too short to waste time on meaningless relationships. My grandmother always said you need someone else to bring you down. You can do bad by yourself. So true. I’d had to learn to be comfortable being single and not agonize over it. Some days are harder than others and on those days I ask myself would I rather be single right now or back in one of my relationships that I had to end due to problems. The answer is always rather be single.

Jul 07, 12:28PM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

HippieChick Support APARN - VOTE FOR SPANKY!!!

A question . . .

why do you “hate” being single?

Jul 08, 09:23AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

Curlychaos SoapDragon is honoring the brilliant Bill Evans for musician avatar week

Well,

Partly because I just don`t like living alone, and really miss having someone special in my life. And partly because all of my friends now have husbands and kids, or boyfriends. Which means although I do meet friends and do fun things, they are pretty busy with their families. Since I am the single one, they pretty much expect me to take all the initiatives to meet, and then they have to check with their husbands and coordinate things with who`s watching the kids and find a day they can meet, and I have to adjust a lot to what works for them, since they have the families to think of. And they all go on family holidays, so it`s hard to find someone to go on holiday with for instance. And hearing all about their husbands and babies and/or babies on the way whenever we meet, it`s just not that fun.

If I didn`t have the whole separation anxiety dog thing, which brings with it financial problems and lots of stress, it would be easier to go out and do fun things, meet other people and enjoy being single. As it is, I just don`t like it.

Jul 08, 10:07AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers