how will i know that i reached this goal?
last Sat i sat behind real piano and discovered i forgot the scores so i played from organ scores. but it is not what i ment.
last night it was one scary moment when i started searching for my piano scores and discovered i don’t have a clue where they are. how could i ever become so alienated from my self, and when it happened? it was brief moment, i found them quickly, neatly layed, but it was scary. void.

it doesn’t neceserily need to be the piano – i can play on my sint, too, as long as it is piano literature, so it is what i did. it is funny i can switch it to hapsichord when i play bach, and to guitar. it goes well with “wohltemperiertes klavier”. it was fun. i connected briefly with my good old self. so many years piano plaing was part of my everyday life. i missed it terribly first 5 years, when i went to uni (it looks like many lives ago). yes now i remember, i missed the piano badly, almost as badly as i missed the sea. and then i get used to it. the hell did i!
i now, this very moment, realised i never get used to be separated from sea (and from the piano) instead i separated from myself, thinking that i get acustomed so well. ???? now i see part of me died. and all joy. until recently.
and now i see what happened to my swimming, as well.

so back to the topic: what i ment with this goal. i think i ment chopin. yes. to play chopin again. my soul longed for that so many years. now i am finally aware of that. (...god knows what else my soul longes for? do i want to know?)

so this goal should be “play the chopin again esp. Nocturnes”
and debussy… clair the lune… let dreams be free!...