...a genuine concern, especially if you believe (and I certainly concur) that she might be a tad unstable mentally and/or emotionally.

That said, part of me wants to cheer the very fact that you are experiencing such a problem. As a dear friend of mine would say, “It’s kind of a classy problem to have.” It’s all part and parcel of becoming a Chick Magnet.

As for suggestions/advice, you’ve already outlined the options that occur to me immediately: the “little white lie” that would “let her down gently” and/or out-and-out avoidance. I might still be tempted – particularly if you can get your folks on board with this plan – to “invent” a brand-new “flame” (maybe a long-distance one, so that she wouldn’t expect to meet this fabulous woman) who has just recently become the focus of your energies.

Maybe someone here would be willing to act as your “beard” for these purposes. Hell, if it’ll help, I’ll send you a photo of me (perhaps one from my 20s, when I could still make former classmates – and teachers! – swoon at my high-school reunion) to carry in your wallet. Sort of like the “wolf ring” I used to wear when I travelled solo.

Let her be attracted to you.

SO?

You don’t need to stop going there, why should you? It’s not like she’s following you around or anything. Or making your life miserable.

I mean, what, you’ve never been attracted to someone?

I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Plus…one day you may go in there all horny and shit and decide you’ll take some head from the lunatic.

Except for the last bit. _ahem.

It’s fine for her to be attracted to you. You can still be friendly with her (though you may want to make sure things are more along the lines of cordial so it’s clear that you like her, but not romantically). If she makes an obvious overture or declares her undying love, you can say, “Well, you know, I like you, too. But I like our friendship the way it is and I’d like to keep it that way.”

_{I try not to go the route of lying, unless you are really concerned for your safety or something. If you’re seriously worried she’s going to drive to Kentucky wearing adult diapers with pepper spray and duct tape in her car, maybe then a lie would be appropriate.}

the point being, CRAZY.

If she were a normal person with a crush, Unc and Nic would be right on the money.

But she’s crazy. _{Sheesh, y’all never saw Fatal Attraction?}

I go with Tink’s white lie scenario. You are in love with a woman from . . . Japan . . . whom you met briefly until she returned to her home country and whom you now correspond by email and Internet. Her name is . . . umm, Hello Kitty.

having your mom mention a new girlfriend in your life, maybe. Or even wear a wedding band next time you’re there – not the kind that turn your finger green, though!

Other than that, I WOULD quit going there. Or have her shot.

I know I’m married, but if you’d like I’d be willing to pose as your online girlfriend. I could send some pics and some letters telling you how much I love you and I’m so happy we’re together. Maybe then she’d believe you ARE seeing someone. Maybe you could even photoshop (or get Unc to do it) some pics of us on vacation together. You know, really make it look convincing. Oooh, oooh…and if she ever contacts you, I could call her up and tell her to stay away from my man!
I did take some acting classes in high school.

WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING MINUTE, JAMES!

How do we know this isn’t some ploy for you to get a bunch of real and sane, sort of, women to “get witchoo,” as Jeny would say?

Look, after just a few hours you have both The Tinkstress and Ang, both EXCELLENT models for woman, offering to help you out with pictures and love letters. I mean, can a quick trip out there be too far off?

And this is just the beginning.

I’M ON TO YOUR LITTLE GAME, MISTER!!

I suggest lithium. Slip it into her drinking water. Just a little bit every day. It’ll smooth those bipolar swings right out.

If you’re lucky, she’ll succumb to a side effect and come down with hypothyroidism, the main symptom of which is excessive tiredness. She’ll spend half her time off work, which should open up a decent time frame for you to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant.

Lithium occurs naturally in the waters of mineral springs, such as in Lithia Park in Ashland, OR, or springs in Saratoga, NY.

_{and it’s less controversial than, say, arsenic}

Just be pleasant with her when/if you see her..

If she asks you out: tell her that you’re very flattered, but you don’t think the two of you would be a good match.

simple.

I know that you have to realize that there is no way to not hurt her feelings without lying and/or moving to a new eatery.

I think that you have to think about what is best for you and your family as she is obviously a little “coo coo ca choo”. Whatever you do, you need to do it soon and do it with conviction.

Tell her you are not interested. Move to a new restaurant or do both, but just do what is best for you and your family. Her feelings are going to be hurt regardless, but you need to make a decision about what you want to do very soon.

If you don’t do one or the other soon, it will only get worse. Before I met him, my husband had a stalker for a time. Her name was Tiffany. They had sex one night. To him it was a one night stand, however, she viewed it as a marriage proposal and she was relentless in her pursuit of her soulmate!!! The whole situation actually became violent before it was put to rest. You don’t need that or something like that.

I think that maybe what you really want to do is just go somewhere else and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s not running away, it just a solution. Sometimes ya know, with people who are mentally or emotionally ill, there is no way to reason with them and just exiting may be the most sensible thing.

P.S. I checked with my husband on the lunatics have the best ass theory. He said it wasn’t any better than anyone else’s. So . . move to a new eatery

“Unstable” gets scary quickly. Honestly, avoid her if you can, and if she refuses, there’s always the option of a restraining order.

Admittedly, those don’t always work either (wish I didn’t know that), but it can help.

Morticia adores him . . . and he adores her.

Maybe you could get a dog and your Mom can tell psycho-waitress that you have a new girlfriend, one who adores you completely!!!

^{if you get a male then your Mom has to break the news that you have a new boyfriend}

who knows what kind of advice you’ve gotten.

First, I would have told you to just screw her and then leave her alone, but you don’t want a stalker.

All you can do is ignore her and if she persists then tell her over and over that you are not interested.

resist the temptation to be nicer than you have to be. sometimes tough love is necessary.

I think it’s OK to be honest with someone, especially if they are totally creeping you out. I have made the mistake before of trying to remain friendly with someone who was creepy, and I regretted it BIGtime. I have also tried to let someone down gently before, and it did not work with creepos. I would say something like, “sorry, I have to be honest, I am not attracted to you, and frankly you make me uncomfortable.” Rip off that bandaid!