...a genuine concern, especially if you believe (and I certainly concur) that she might be a tad unstable mentally and/or emotionally.

That said, part of me wants to cheer the very fact that you are experiencing such a problem. As a dear friend of mine would say, “It’s kind of a classy problem to have.” It’s all part and parcel of becoming a Chick Magnet.

As for suggestions/advice, you’ve already outlined the options that occur to me immediately: the “little white lie” that would “let her down gently” and/or out-and-out avoidance. I might still be tempted – particularly if you can get your folks on board with this plan – to “invent” a brand-new “flame” (maybe a long-distance one, so that she wouldn’t expect to meet this fabulous woman) who has just recently become the focus of your energies.

Maybe someone here would be willing to act as your “beard” for these purposes. Hell, if it’ll help, I’ll send you a photo of me (perhaps one from my 20s, when I could still make former classmates – and teachers! – swoon at my high-school reunion) to carry in your wallet. Sort of like the “wolf ring” I used to wear when I travelled solo.

Let her be attracted to you.

SO?

You don’t need to stop going there, why should you? It’s not like she’s following you around or anything. Or making your life miserable.

I mean, what, you’ve never been attracted to someone?

I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Plus…one day you may go in there all horny and shit and decide you’ll take some head from the lunatic.

Except for the last bit. _ahem.

It’s fine for her to be attracted to you. You can still be friendly with her (though you may want to make sure things are more along the lines of cordial so it’s clear that you like her, but not romantically). If she makes an obvious overture or declares her undying love, you can say, “Well, you know, I like you, too. But I like our friendship the way it is and I’d like to keep it that way.”

_{I try not to go the route of lying, unless you are really concerned for your safety or something. If you’re seriously worried she’s going to drive to Kentucky wearing adult diapers with pepper spray and duct tape in her car, maybe then a lie would be appropriate.}

the point being, CRAZY.

If she were a normal person with a crush, Unc and Nic would be right on the money.

But she’s crazy. _{Sheesh, y’all never saw Fatal Attraction?}

I go with Tink’s white lie scenario. You are in love with a woman from . . . Japan . . . whom you met briefly until she returned to her home country and whom you now correspond by email and Internet. Her name is . . . umm, Hello Kitty.

having your mom mention a new girlfriend in your life, maybe. Or even wear a wedding band next time you’re there – not the kind that turn your finger green, though!

Other than that, I WOULD quit going there. Or have her shot.

I know I’m married, but if you’d like I’d be willing to pose as your online girlfriend. I could send some pics and some letters telling you how much I love you and I’m so happy we’re together. Maybe then she’d believe you ARE seeing someone. Maybe you could even photoshop (or get Unc to do it) some pics of us on vacation together. You know, really make it look convincing. Oooh, oooh…and if she ever contacts you, I could call her up and tell her to stay away from my man!
I did take some acting classes in high school.

you are such a sweetheart – why don’t you tell her you’re gay – and women just don’t interest you???

i mean, hell, you read Anais Nin and Rumi, and you’re kind, sweet, considerate and respectful – you could totally pass for a gay guy

WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING MINUTE, JAMES!

How do we know this isn’t some ploy for you to get a bunch of real and sane, sort of, women to “get witchoo,” as Jeny would say?

Look, after just a few hours you have both The Tinkstress and Ang, both EXCELLENT models for woman, offering to help you out with pictures and love letters. I mean, can a quick trip out there be too far off?

And this is just the beginning.

I’M ON TO YOUR LITTLE GAME, MISTER!!