I struggle with being happy for other people. It’s not every person, and it’s not all the time. I’d hate to confess this to friends for fear that when I say “I’m happy for you!” they wouldn’t believe me. When I’m not happy for someone, I try not to say that I am, so that at least I won’t be lying.

I think that often when someone tells me something or I learn about something they’ve done, I’m either jealous, mad, disappointed with myself.

Jealous – you backpacked across Europe and I’ve never even left the country.

Mad – example, the friend who flaked out on me recently. I guess I should be happy that she’s going to Vegas, but I was mad as hell that she wouldn’t be doing some things with me that she said she was interested in doing.

Disappointed – you accomplished something I’m not good at, or you are in a place in your life I can’t even imagine being at.

It’s very strange, and like I said, it’s not all the time. Sometimes it crops up when I look at my friend’s facebook pictures – their trip to China, the road trip they just took with a bunch of friends, whatever. [I’ve even though of deleting my Facebook account so I can stop upsetting myself]Or a friend is going out of town yet again. Or…I don’t know!

I mean, a little bit of this is normal right? But how do you really learn to just be happy for other people?