Where the hell have you been? What is that beast doing to you?

very new news.
Yesterday.

Invasive, Moderately differentiated, ductal carcinoma.

Lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation.
I don’t know much else.
My head is reeling—I haven’t slept in three days and I saw this surgeon yesterday, so it’s a bit of a fog.

I will keep you posted.
I know—everyone knows someone who’s survived. My own mom, nearly 30 years.

It’s the chemo I’m scared of. Causes liver cancer, uterine cancer, clots, strokes, embolisms…what the hell.

I don’t know much, just got the results from the needle biopsy.

They want to do a lumpectomy, then start me on Chemo and Radiation.

I guess I didn’t really want to go to New York.

But, I didn’t want to stay here like this!

Thanks for the kind words

It’s not brave, it’s cowardice.
I feel as though if I keep things bottled up inside, they’re bound to make me crazy…I’ll explode.

Antioxidants. heh.
I have been drinking grean tea since I was a little kid (straight, no sugar) and my mother introduced me to macrobiotic food when I was about 10 or 11…which I don’t really follow strictly, but have at times. I only eat organic food, avoid plastics, store and cook my food in only glass or stainless steel, I shop at a store that is a left-wing grocery coop that does not allow any products in that are GMOs, I haven’t had high fructose corn syrup in at least ten years…

in short, there’s not much else I could do to my diet to make it healthy—the joke at my work is “what CAN you eat?” and “there’s food, but it’s nothing you can eat…”

Thanks, though, I am looking into things—my mom lived for thirty years partly, I think, because she changed her diet.

The thing is, she ate red meat and potatoes when she was diagnosed, and cooked in teflon…so there’s not a lot for me to change that wasn’t changed back when I was about ten years old, darnit.

I appreciate the support and kind words :) Thank you!

I will rely on my 43 friends for uplifing distraction from all of this “reality” that’s recently hit me.

I appreciate the kind words, thanks :)

I hope to be around, annoying folks for many years to come.

I just don’t like it…so not fair.

I only eat organic food, I don’t cook or store food in anything but glass or stainless steel…I exercize, etc, etc…

It’s anyone’s guess why—genetics, I guess.

Thank you for the kind words and support.

You know I love you, girl.
Your special juju helped me out of some amazing educational jams…tests that I had only studied maybe 30% of the material covered, were somehow magically concentrated on all the stuff I had had time to study, and not the stuff I hadn’t.

Sadly, Oncology was a rough subject, and I’m trying hard now to remember that stuff—ER+ and HER2…yikes.

I appreciate the tips—I will remember them.

I hope you’re doing well, and feeling well these days. Take care of yourself, too, ok?

I’ll get through this. I have an amazingly supportive hubby, and the best dog ever.

My work is even being very supportive, believe it or not. I guess you need to have a life-threatening illness for nurses to be nice to you, eh?

Thanks for making me laugh—I forgot I had done that, but immediately I was taken back to that sunday, and the horror of New York, that CLOSES it’s shops on sunday, and there’s NOTHING available to build a juju alter with!!!

We have 24 hour access to that shit here, in SF, baby.

;)

I’ll kick it’s ass.
But, in the long run, it’s going to kick mine…ya know?

Eventually.
When is anybody’s guess.

I have to wait and see what they say at UCSF.

(sigh)

Just when things always start to look up, a bit…

I know…my own mom survived nearly thirty years.

Still, the spectre of the other shoe falling, for the rest of my life, is terrifying.

Every little headache, cough, pain, twinge is always quickly thought of as “ohmygoditsback” rather than a minor nothing it might be.

Survivor stories are out there, but even in this I can’t take much solace…eventually…the story always ends up badly.

Eventually.

Unless I start riding a motorcycle without a helmet and go before any recurrence, heh.

I’m not afraid for “now”

I just want to make the right treatment decisions for the long-term.

That means a lot to me, thanks :)