xochitl213 "She handed me a mirror, but I saw her instead"
... to quote interpol.
last weekend, i had a really good talk with a dear friend of mine who has been the unfortunate other victim of my alcohol problem way too many times. we agreed to go out saturday night, to the discos, and have a chilean night, and not be fall-down drunk at the end of the night.
i matched him drink for drink, much slower than my usual pace, until the end of the night, when i had one more. he was a little disappointed, but as soon as i began drinking my final beer, i knew that i didn’t really need it. i was happily drunk, not angry, dancing, and i remember everything even up til the lights came on at 5 am.
when you learn to drink, or when you have a drinking problem, you become capable of drinking at ridiculously fast rates, because if you’re not drunk by the end of the night it’s the end of the world. the problem is, you’re drunk far before you realize it, and when you’re past your limit, you only want more anyway. claerly, my challenge here is to drink slowly enough to enjoy my drunkenness, remember my entire night, and maybe keep my friendships in place and keep myself safe while i’m at it.
it’s also worth noting that with this realization, and with all the fun i still had on saturday, i am, for the first time, actually excited and feeling optimistic about this goal.
YAY!
