how touching it is to me, this sincere outpouring of kindness from the 43 community…that’s not nothing, Unc.

I know that it probably feels like nothing, because it costs nothing, but it’s energy will help me, it will. (as an aside, there was a study about people who were prayed for, versus a control group, who were not prayed for, and the prayed for group did better—it’s inexplicable, and the scientists were unable to explain it…the groups were made up of people who were not praying folks…so there might be something to it)

In any case, I feel the love, and I do feel bad about how rotten this news is; I’m not unaware of how heavy it is, and I hate to be a wet blanket.

I just found out my insurance kinda sucks for any hospital stays and “outpatient procedures” so, it was ok for check ups and follow ups and lab analyses…but surgery and hospital visits are going to start adding up…this is how Americans end up losing everything.

for example: I have to pay for 30% of my “out patient procedures” and $500/day for hospital stay up to three days stay (after that, they cover the whole amount)

So already, I’m worried that these things are going to drive my decision when selecting a plan. They may even not cover a mastectomy and reconstruction; looking at it as “elective” if I could have survived by just hacking out the lump and having radiation.

oh, I dunno…I just feel bad ranting on about this…I hate heavy news, even when it’s my own.

Thank you for your amazing support, my dear. It means more than any dollar amount you could imagine.

PUSH to get that lump checked!
Only because of my mom having died a few yars ago of breast cancer did anyone check it out—I kept hearing “it seems like nothing…it’s probably nothing…I’m not impressed…likely nothing” but because of this family history, I’m here, talking about cancer and not “lump that I live with.”

I was sure it was nothing, it was painful, especially just before my menstural cycle, so I knew it was hormonal, and because it was painful, I thought—it’s not cancer; cancer isn’t painful.

Well, there you go…never say never.

I have a smallish lump that I noticed about a year ago, and should have had it checked then, but putting it off and appointments being always a month away, and so forth (plus, me working nights and having hard time scheduling) all pushed this forward. I wish I had had this looked at a year ago.

Mammogram and ultrasound showed lump, but they were suspicious because it didn’t look “cyst-like” what that means, I’ve no idea, so they did the biopsy.

I wish I could turn the clock back now and I’d say not even do the biopsy (there’s a danger of somemthing called “seeding” where cancer cells are loosed among healthy tissue. For example, during sugery, a surgeon will remove the lump using one set of instruments, and then switch to clean tools, because they found that cancer cells were sticking to the surgical instruments, and those cells would be reintroduced into remaining healthy tissue, and a new tumor would start…hence “seeding”) SO I wish that I had just had the lumpectomy instead of doing the biopsy…the procedure might have (though they deny it, even though I asked before the biopsy) introduced cells as it pushed thru the lump and into healthy tissue.

it keeps me up at night, now. I wish I’d just had the lump taken out.

Good luck to you—please get this looked at ASAP…the more time goes by the worse your prognosis is if it is something to worry about. The worse the surgery is, and the worse the chemo etc…so I hear.

last night, I went back to work and admitted a patient from the ER that the MDs just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. From 3:30 to about 6 we struggled with getting his pressure up, he was on about 12 IVs, 4 to maintain his pressure, one for his acidosis, two for sedation…etc.

He ended up dying at around 8 am, and his sister had showed up around 6 and contradicted the fact that he denied doing drugs.

he smoked meth daily, and he denied this in the ER and the MDs just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him.

At about 6 am, his heart rate looked really funky and I called the house doc and said “come look at him” and she said “nah, he’s in Atrial fibrilation, of course his heart rate is irregular”

Well, half an hour later, we were coding him, trying to keep him alive—he ended up dying after a successful code. He wasn’t going to make it.

he was 46.

I thought to myself—how is this fair…this guy just pissed his life away, and here’s me, eating all organic food, and watching what I eat, and how much of it, and how it’s prepared…

Life’s funny some times.

I thought to myself “death is everywhere around me lately”

I should have told you about the guy in the room next door that had a heart attack during a sexual affair he was having at work.

They brought him in and the story was he just collapsed and they heard it and found him down.

Turns out a urine sample we sent was full of semen.

So, these guys are going to the ICU after having sex, and doing drugs…what a crazy way to go, eh?

Thanks for the advice, M.
I have read Lance’s book (I bought it for my mom) and have re-read it in two days time, lately…

He had a very treatable form of cancer, and he was a celebrity, with so many people implementing things for him and such.

He would have died withut treatment for sure (as anyone would) but reading it made me think about his celebrity in that he must have had hundreds of people, doctors who were big fans of his writing him to offer up treatment, etc.

taking names…

Kicking ass…
Taking names….

Got it.

Thanks Shelly ;)

:)