I’ve been a gambler since I was 16. I cannot seem to stop. I have a wife who is currently trying to divorce me and we have a beautiful 4 year old girl. I am losing both of these amazing people because I cant stop betting on many different things. I have large credit card debts and I’ve defaulted on loans from various companies. I’ve tried to end it all twice in the past three years but ultimately I know I’m just crying out for help when I do this. I write this entry no more than 30 minutes after I have just lost another £100 on online roulette. My withdrawal limit on my card is £100 a day but for the last 5 days thats what i’ve spent. I have now taken a day off work just to do that very thing and within 20 minutes of going online I have lost the money again. I currently dont live with my wife and I’m staying with my dad. He has never been very supportive and i cant blame him really. I’m 26 and always have to go to him with muy begging bowl to borrow money and pay debts off. He has just lent me £700 to pay off a credit card and yet less than 5 days later I have already reached my limit again. I feel lost and physically sick. I want to take an overdose but I cannot leave my daughter as she is such a daddys girl and it is not her fault I’m like this so why should she suffer. My wife and I have always had a torrid relationship with arguing etc but this is because se has been more like a mother to me, paying my way and looking after me. I lost my mother when I was 13, she was very depressed with work and her relationship with my father and quickly became an alcoholic. She died just 6 months after hitting the drink because of liver failure. I was a complete mummies boy and I miss her terribly. I have never really bee emotionally involved with my dad and I’m scared that he will disown me after this latest gambling stint. I want to stop so bad yet I never seem to be able to. When I have no money I dont crave gambling or miss it at all, in fact
I have my happiest times when I have no money, its crazy!!! I need to stop and want to stop so why cant I stop. I cannot walk past a bookies without going in if I have money. I have self excluded myself from the local bookies but just find myself either online or biking miles to the next available one. I just want to be out of debt so I can start to build a future for my daughter and hopefully with my wife. I need to talk to people and i have to accomplish this. It has affected my social life for years now as either I’ll have no money or I’ll be craving to spend it when I have money. I must beat this, I have to, I cannot go on like this anymore and I want a better life. My head hurts with all the worry of debt. I must be a man, stand on my own feet and somehow become mentally strong and say no more. This is day one and I feel scared and weak, I just want my family back, I miss them so much.