xLostxSomewherex is trying to recover from her E.D

Overcome my eating disorder. (read all 4 entries…)
scared.. 2 months ago

I think..recovery is possible..I think if i stuck to it, i could recover. But im scared. Im literally scared, and worried to recover! To forget about looking good and EAT! “If I eat today, I’ll gain and I’ll be a fat cow. He will never want me back..” Thats what i think..well sort of. But really..He doesnt want me to hurt myself. I will gain. For sure. I have before. I do even if i eat a little bit. My metabolism is so screwed up. Ugh. Im like stuck in the middle. And I cant choose what side i WANT to be on. I’d rather be skinny & free from this. But i can only have one..Confused =/

Jul 22, 11:22PM PDT


Comments:

summer83

just one thing – i hope you realize that is your ED saying you can only have one or the other (having it or being skinny) because it knows you will chose it.

i chose my ED for over 5 years, so i know how you are feeling.. and i hope you don’t take this as a lecture, i’m only trying to help, but this (having one or the other) is the farthest thing from the truth. i am actually in better shape now than i was because i actually have the time and energy to go to the gym, do yoga, play outside (not that you have to do this but just find things you like to do, whether it’s guitar, art whatever!) and when you are in tune with what your body wants/needs and have mental/spiritual balance you don’t overeat, you give your body what it needs end of story. your body doesn’t want more or less than it needs to function.

love to you.

Jul 24, 09:07AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

xLostxSomewherex is trying to recover from her E.D

Yeah since you bee thru this and recovered you must be right. I mean you are right. I have no energy to work out anymore. and i binge alot. So i gain weight. If i could recover and work out i could still lose weight..Im tryin hard to get over this.

Jul 26, 08:59PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

summer83

i know it seems like once you get hard-wired this way it is impossible to break free of it. i don’t know how many hundreds/thousands of times over the years i got fed up and was ‘going to get better this time’ and failed. i realized i couldn’t do it on my own and i needed to see a therapist. the first session i had with her, i was definitely in the mind set that i would be this way for the rest of my life. she said to me ‘i will be the hope for you when you feel like it’s impossible because i know that you can get over this.’ that was the most incredible thing to hear – someone actually thinks i can get better?! i put my faith in the process and accepted that yes it is going to be difficult to break free of this, and no I DON’T know how i’m going to do it, i just know that i am.

a quote i love by Eckhart Tolle that i keep on my fridge:

“Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing.”

it wasn’t like something clicked one day, it was just everyday got easier. days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. and having a therapist held me accountable for my actions – sometimes the only thing that would stop me when i really really REALLY wanted to do it, would be the fact that i didn’t want to go in and tell her i relapsed.
sorry, i didn’t mean to go off, i just can relate how you feel because i’ve been there and i want to help, keep in touch if you like!

love.

Jul 30, 10:16PM PDT | Respond to this

Manic[♥]Lover will weight 115lbs soon enough. Determination!!

Wow,

I am exactly in the same state of mind you are in. My metabolism hates me, its always up and down so my weight fluctuates so much that I’m like gr i can’t eat that, I’ll gain too much and look huge.. etc. I’ve been stuck in the middle for almost 3 years now.. I’m here for you. Somehow maybe we can help each other, who knows. I wanna be thin but I dont want it to be the result of an ED..

xx keep in touch :)

Jul 24, 04:09PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

xLostxSomewherex is trying to recover from her E.D

Exactly. I do eat..I dont always like it though..i gain weight really fast. The mental and physical anguish of this is soo muchhhhh. i cant take it :[ I want to be thinner but there has to be a better way. That doesnt make me feel like this. If you want to talk you can text me 931-743-0387 :]

Jul 26, 08:57PM PDT | Respond to this


 

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