I remember a few verbal fights that needed a bit of assistance from dads:

1. When I was about 8, I got in an argument with Ari M on the playground. We were telling each other how weak the other person was. I told him “you’re so weak you can’t even lift your dick up to pee!”. The next day he told me his dad told him to say “At least I don’t need tweezers to hold it!” (Had I known at the time, I would have said “At least I don’t need my dad to think of a come-back for me”)

2. About the same age, at basketball practice, Jordan L told me that my eyebrows are crooked (they are…a fact that I would be in denial about for another decade or so). I told my dad what he said. Jordan had a cast on his arm at the time, so my dad told me “Maybe Jordan’s cast is pulling that side of his face down so his eyes aren’t seeing straight”