Sometimes, most times I think I’m just going to be alone for the rest of my life, and I’m fine with that, I’m used to it really. But I think I know what the problem is I realize an ex of mine seems to be like a drug that I’m addicted to. And the sad thing about this is, this person and I have been broken up for 3 years. We live over 500 miles apart but they seem to have this hold over me. The relationship was so intense and I was madly head over hills in love and did pretty much everything for this person including moving across 2 states to be with them… In the end things got really messy and confusing, I was cheated on and then strung around. Before the relationship even occurred we were really good friends really close we had this bond that neither of us could explain and even tho there are two sides to the story if you were to ask my ex, they would say they were the one in the wrong and caused the relationship to end. Anyway through the years we’ve talked here and there and I don’t think I ever got all the way over my ex. I’ve had some relationships since this person that never worked out and one even gave me my son but I still always thought about this ex and wished sometimes things were different. Then months and months went by without talking and then I started to finally think about them less and less to not at all then when that happens it’s like this person has a beeper that say oh look she’s not thinking about me and finally letting go and I get a email and then I have all these feelings again and like last night I had such a vivid dream about this person it woke me up from a dead sleep and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just don’t seem to know how to quit this person. And I think that’s a huge part of why I’ve never been able to really fall in love again since them. I have struggles in some parts of my life, but who doesn’t but I have a good family I have the best friends a girl could ask for I have a wonderful son and yea my love life is non existent but it’s okay I just wish this person would never talk to me ever again at times then others I like to know they are okay. My ex is engaged now and has the life that we pretty much always talked about having ourselves and I’m honestly happy for them I just guess I don’t know how to let it go all the way and move on and not let a random email get to me so much. I know this sounds all pretty crazy it sure does typing it but I just had to get it out.