I’m currently in two minds about a job I started last week. I feel that it is not good for me, not good for my heart, my soul. I am over-qualified, and yet the boss works to point out all my inadequecies, and then used them to make my pay offer lower than I expected, because, as he put it ‘I’m not polished yet’. Fuck you man. I have so many skills that you can’t even imagine, but you don’t want to see that.

I’ve noticed that since I started this job I don’t want to get up in the morning. Which is a sure sign with me that something is not right in my life. And I mean every day. Even on my days off, I still have that job hanging over my head.

However, I have been looking for a job for 3 months. And it was always going to be a retail job (I’m changing career directions, and don’t want a job that requires too much of my commitment, because I’m doing things in my own time.) I knew it would be like this. But now I’m doing it, I’m wondering if it’s worth it. Yes, having this job now enables me to move into the city. But is it worth this sinking feeling that’s plaguing my life right now? I don’t feel the joy of life anymore. I’m struggling to hold on to it, but I’m finding that going on my runs is a major motivational challenge, I’m playing my guitar less, and I’m eating worse.

Maybe it’s worth staying unemployed for a while, just to really target myself at the things I love? Or am I being a total immature wimp, who just needs to grit my teeth and stick it out?