Negative: There was a huge and I mean HUGE fight between family at S’s house last night. We were all drunk, and cousin E decided to fucking freak out on C and M. S got involved as standing up for sister© and mom (M). Huge screaming match at the early early hours of the morning.

Here’s the real huge negative—S is leaving. She’s going to move with her dad in Nebraska for probably a few years. I love her. I have to be strong and support her cause she feels she needs this. I want what’s best for her. And I never thought I’d ever do this for anyone, but I honestly am going to wait for her. If she doesn’t want me when she comes back… then she doesn’t want me. But I love her too much to let this make me give her up.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when she is gone. And it’s going to be in the next few days. She’s calling dad today, she gets her paycheck in a few days and she’s booking her bus ticket the same day. I want to go with her so bad. I really don’t want her to leave…

To be completely honest, I have a feeling I’m going to go downhill real hard and real fast when she leaves… I’m going to try as hard as I can to not, but I don’t deal with stress and coping so well… and she’s been the one that has been holding me together lately. She’s the one producing happiness in my life. I haven’t been happier then when I’m with her, ever. And in my current state of my life, without her… It won’t be good…

I hate that I’m being selfish… but she means the world to me… hell, she is my world.

Positive: there’s absolutely nothing positive about this at all.