God I came close today. I almost fucked it up. I nearly fucked up royally. I got stressed. Angry. Stressed. Furious and stressed. My roommate was yelling at me. I was yelling back ofcourse. But she kept getting the word in. And I wanted to smoke soooo bad. And drink myself into a coma. And I kept saying “Fuck it I’m smoking, I’ll start back tomorrow” “Fuck it I’m drinking, I’ll start back tomorrow”. But… I didn’t. I kept telling myself “No, MK you made a promise” and even though my addiction said “I don’t care I’m breaking it” I didn’t. Frankly, as I try to explain what the fuck kept me from caving in I find myself speechless. Why didn’t I cave in? My thoughts were screaming ” I don’t care about promises, I need a cigarette”... but I didn’t fail in my promise… Why? What stopped me? I was falling for it. I was reeled in but I still didn’t do it.

Too be quite honest I have been quitting every week for the past month and a half. I’d quit for 3 days smoke for 4 and then repeat. Now, I’m taking it serious. And I’m aiming further than I have before.