A year ago, the start of my senor year of high school, i was proud to be a senior. Upper class men looked up to me as the guy who was a 1st degree black belt in kajukenbo, the linebacker for north hills football team, and Magabo the guy who always had fun. Well that fun came to a halt after i found out there was a foreclosure on my house. I ended up living with my older brother, his wife, my 2 nephews and my little sister in a 2 bed, 2 bath apartment. Only within 2months of my senior year. Life hit a 17 year old boy hard when he realized he needed a job again, and football was no longer an option, plus a girl who he thought was the one slip through is fingers. As the child that both sides of my family expects great things from, i felt like i can change the situation and make everything ok, so i put all the pressure on myself. I looked to my fellow teammates what i should do but they turned the other cheek. After all the tears and promises to keep in touch during graduation i never spoke to any of my fellow class mates again because of the never ending shifts at six flags discovery kingdom, working 12:15 to averagely 9pm. I never had time to find out what i wanted to be or what i wanted in life. All i wanted was my family to be ok. But i figured how would i change whats already happened? How could one 18 year old boy do the unexpected, which is fixing the problem of being financially stable? Then i realized i cant. Working, being away from my mom and dad, away from my bother and 2 sisters, i am basically living on my own straight out of high school. College? sure if i want to be in dept, navy? not bad, but its just not the life i want. i want to know that my family is going to be ok. But at the same time WHO AM I? everything i used to know about myself is gone, i don’t know who i am. for a strange reason i feel like i am part of a bigger plan. But what plan? Gods? for those who believe. i feel there is some things more. For instance, you might think i am crazy but my first memory i remember me standing on a cloud and falling into a stroller. insane right? it just brings up a whole new set of questions to mind that get me more confused about who i really am. maybe i am psychotic, maybe i am not who knows? but all i do know is that vallejo, california has nothing to offer me. I am not satisfied. I am seeking this question, WHO AM I, and i need to find out…
Comments:
Woow..
I really like your story. And I think you are asking yourself a great question, normally people get to that when they are on their old days.
Why I say this is because, mostly in young years, identity is mostly searched in the things you have done or are doing. Like singing, getting good grades, having a status and money, being black belt line backer and other “succesfull ways”. But as you said, these things are empty. You mostly find that out when you have them (is this it?!). They are not made to fill us and satisfice us.
I really don’t think you’re getting insane, Gods just calling you. Get ready ;) He loves Ya!
Here you see somebody else who had something like you:
http://www.propheticmedia.com/video/video_email_media/7_6_Weblist_CalebQuaye_TestimonyHIGH.wmv
If you have questions, maybe about what I think I am, dont hesitate to contact me :)
Chellie_
