9/24/08
14 months ago
- Oil myself up with some good lube. – Well, YEEEHAW! Mamma? Get the pig! It’s gonna be one of THOSE nights!
- bAG OF tRICKS – No, really. Thanks, but I’m good. Enough tricks and bags and both of them combined to last me a lifetime. I will have a small glass of water though, as long as you’re offering stuff.
- swim with nurse and/or great white sharks – You just gotta be faster than the nurse, dude.
- Raid less – Penitent DEA officer or a pest exterminator considering a career change? You decide.
- help everyone…you know…the whole world. – Well shit, you can start by running out to the store and picking me up another box of biscuits. Seriously, that’ll help tonnes.
- to be the first – Yes, you can be the first to bring me tasty cookies. Whatever.
- eat cleaner – Hmm. This could go one of two ways. The first would be a grammatically challenged, possibly OCD dude and the second is a little self-destructive for my taste.
- drive south america – Crazy? Into the ground? Mad with lust?
- Get a car- I’m 18 and don’t have my license not because I dont want it but because I dont have a car to drive once I get one. –
Dude, seriously. You could have stopped after “18” and we’d all be the better for it.
- Go on a road trip with no prredeunied destination – Wait, no “pred..”, “prrrred..”, “predefined”?, “predetermined”? What is it man? What are you trying to tell us, because this is NO TYPO. You are FAILING at communication.
- be excited by discoveries – Yeah, I totally know how it is. “Oh look, here’s another new fern they discovered in the rain forest. Woo.” and “Come on guys, don’t we have ENOUGH particles? Do we really need one more?”. When science meets apathy.
- buy my OWN home on my OWN terms – Right. You’re kinda discounting the fact that in a `supply and demand environment’, (such as this, actually), there’s a dude who wants something, (that’s you) and a dude who’s selling something, (that’s the guy with the house) and you’re gonna have to sort of.. You know, meet THE OTHER DUDE’s terms, namely the price and whatever other hoops he wants you to jump through. I dunno. Good luck executing this one.
- listen to the damned instincts! – Yeah! They’ve got a new album coming out in March!
- ride a horse to amsterdam and GET HIGH!!!! – I get everything but the “ride a horse to..” part. What on earth does this mean? Is it something I missed in my younger years? Does the act of riding an equine prior to the act of ingesting illicit substances ENHANCE the effects? Is this why all the farmer’s kids were gettin’ stoned where I grew up?
- be sith emperor – Hey, come on. You don’t wanna be THAT kid. Come on, you’ll never get picked for the basketball team if your face is all shriveled up, you’ve got a raspy voice and you’re always shooting lightning bolts from your fingertips.
- I want to go snorcaling – Lacking a dictionary or inventing an entirely new way to indicate snorkeling in southern California? You decide.
- Have a goat farm for cheeses, butter, milk & yogurt – Ok, so this isn’t that funny, but for some reason when I read this I immediately thought of that scene in “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” when they’re making up Abby’s family history on the spot and it gets perpetuated that she comes from a goat cheese family in Europe and Noelle says, “Her cheese balls make excellent Christmas gifts!”. I dunno. Funny to me, it was.
- get my perment – My god, here’s another one. Your what? Your “permanent?”, like a “perm”.. A jerry-curl or something? Are you wishing a haircut? IF ONLY THEY WOULD COMMUNICATE CLEARLY, I COULD GIVE THEM ALL THE HAIR PRODUCTS THEY WISHED! Sob.
- DGD GF FD GDGD – Thank you for sharing the genetic sequence of a mole. I’m sure that we are all the smarter for it.
- get my linces – Ahha. Now I get it. You couldn’t get through the whole task of spelling “license”, so you moved onto “permit” above. You weren’t channeling Howie Mandel, were you.
- Go to a four year univercity – It’s like Northwestern, but.. As big as Aurora or something? (Technically, this would describe Palo Alto though.)
- go on a romantical 10 day vacation – I do not think that word means, what you think it means.
- be better at the footbag – Ah yes, “Footbag”. It’s like football but.. a lot more.. Slow. That and confusing because bags are attached to the players’ feet.
- Raft the Mississippi on a homemade raft – Okay there, Huck Finn. How about you transport yourself out of Samuel-Clemens-world and get your ass back onto the mop. We got a cleanup in aisle nine.
- become a singer badly – Poor choice of word placement there. It just makes me think of, “Through a glass, darkly.”
- LIIIIIIIIIIVE – From New York, it’s Saturday Night?
- doctor magic – Paging Doctor Magic, Doctor Voodoo requires you in the ER.
- uhhhh GED. – This goal needs nothing else. It is perfection, alone.
