DanT1999 is happily asserting imperfection

Just wanted to say... (read all 17 entries…)
Indifference 15 months ago

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea that relationships are only temporary, that they serve a certain purpose and when that purpose is gone the relationship also fades. I’ve been trying to force myself to accept this as natural, and the more I think this way, that nothing can be expected to last, the more indifferent I become toward forming or maintaining relationships. I can’t tell if this is wrong or not or if this is what people mean when they talk about just taking things as they come. I begin to feel things in whatever direction less intensely, and I can’t tell if that’s good or bad.

It feels like renting a car to me. You don’t care so much about how many miles you put on it or in what conditions you drive it in, and you don’t think much about these things because it’s not yours. You’re more reckless than if it were your own car. You use it for a good time or out of temporary necessity, but in the end it’s not yours and you can’t keep it. Therefore, you feel no attachment or connection to it.

Thinking that relationships are only temporary, I become indifferent and have a hard time seeing value in going out of my way to make significant effort in a relationship. I can’t tell if it’s wrong to feel so indifferent since this is not how I’m used to feeling. In one way it’s liberating because in this situation I don’t take things personally and I don’t fear losing so much because in fact I’m mostly indifferent about it. On the other hand, however, I begin to feel disconnected and like I want to be more isolated, and I’m mostly indifferent about the fact of being isolated. Not happy, not sad, not anything, just indifferent…



Comments:

Axx

more pointless thoughts from me!

I think that the feeling of indifference is a sign that the friendship is only supposed to be temporary or have a certain pupose and that is ok. When a relationship that was once one which had a higher level of emotional attatchment (good or bad) turns into indifference it is a sign that it has served its purpose or taught you what it needed to. Maybe when you want to be more isolated it is that you need to learn something for yourself or about yourself that can’t come from others.

DanT1999 is happily asserting imperfection

your thoughts are not pointless!

I appreciate the input you provide, and what you say really makes sense…

It was cathartic to write this. When I wrote this I wasn’t sure if it was better to just keep it to myself as I sometimes write things just for myself as a release, but I actually find it more satisfying sometimes if there’s a possibility that someone can read it…

I wasn’t referring to any one relationship when I wrote this but to all relationships I have… I’m told I have a tendency to go to extremes and to see things in a very black and white way. I have a hard time seeing middle ground. When one thing’s wrong then the whole world is wrong, when one thing’s perfect then the whole world is perfect…

Axx

I think it is fine to see things in black and white as long as you are aware of the fact that grey exists somewhere inbetween. Like you I have long been a person who has been on both ends of the pendulum and it gets really tiring swinging all the time. You are so right, it is very cathartic to write here and clear your head of the thoughts that swim around in there. I often find myself responding you your posts because you have often put things down that I have been trying to get a clear grasp on in my own head. Thanks for allowing me to do that.

Hot Toddie Schoonover has 10 days to run 14 miles

Relationships and Time

I definitely agree with you that relationships are often temporary in that they don’t last a lifetime. I’ve not remained friends with anyone from grade school or high school. I’m only still friends with a couple of people from college.

That doesn’t invalidate the friendships I had with those people though. There was value in the relationships I had in grade school, high school and college. They were transitory in that our lives moved in different directions and locations. But I learned things from each of those relationships, and have postive memories of my times with those friends or lovers.

We’ve discussed this before in other threads, and I really think it comes down to your expectations of the relationship. Is your relationship with someone situational (e.g. work peers), or is it one where both of you are equally invested in the other person? The latter are the ones that will last longer and stand the test of diverging lives.

Axx

I completely agree that just because a relationship is one that ends or changes doesn’t mean that it has no validity. You learn about yourself or gain an understanding of others from everyone you meet and that means that even the old guy on the end of my parents street that I have never said more than hello to or waved at as I drove by for the past 20 years is still a relationship that I value.


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