I met with the oncologist two days ago.
I’m meeting with a bunch of docs/techs/nurses/therapists/facilitators and resource people.

Fully sick of this already.

I thought I wouldn’t need the chemo, but it’s never as cut and dry as that. They always tell you it’s better to have, your survival odds are better, the odds of it not coming back are better.

There’s something horrible about medication in general for me. I’m not taking anything for the MS—interferon, it’s bad for the liver…so now I have to have four cycles of AC, three weeks apart.

Besides all the other effects, I’m mostly worried about the cognitive effects.

So, I think about losing my mind, quite literally, to chemo. Losing my short term memory, not being able to go back to school, not being able to go back to the ICU…it’s not like if I were still an architect and I could make myself a little note to say “remember to call the contractor” or “look up the codes for this” No, I won’t be able to do this in the ICU where my memory and my ability to act fast and know what to give in an emergency will be effected.

So, taking the chemo might be better for me in the long run (really, in the short run the numbers are about the same…statistically) but it might be the end of my career.

always so much fun to deal with.