loved this goal and reading about others’ progress on it ever since TJ first added it, and this has been on my mind a lot so I think now is the time to jump in with my own fight.

I don’t actually think my eating is “disordered” like it used to be, in the sense that the binge-or-go-over-to-the-dark-side moments are incredibly few and far between now. If I have a moment when I really feel like there is nothing I can do but eat, I always still retain some awareness that I am being silly and the moment passes quite swiftly. Usually though, I’m able to deal with my emotions or problems in other ways before I reach that point, and have a greater range of tactics to process them – so in terms of food-addiction/dependency I think I’ve come a long way from where I was.

I am however left with a load of bad habits when it comes to food. In all sorts of states (boredom, tiredness, stress, anxiety, even excitement and elation) I am in danger of grabbing food if it’s around and to be honest, the presence of more food than I need always makes me nervous, because my instinct for so long has just been to hoover up whatever’s available to try and preempt cravings or insecurity or whatever it is. I want to be around food that is not for me without being scared of eating it. That’s for starters.

At the moment I want to mainly focus on actively policing and controlling what enters my cakehole. I have a good daily structure of meals that includes some little treats, and I’m not on any weird and wonderful diet, but I want to avoid unplanned eating or anything that even remotely resembles, or might lead to, binging. And I want to do this for long enough that it becomes natural, second nature, and stop feeling like food is something I have a problem with.