catscaredie is musing over the state of the soul...
I hear people in the church repeat this Scripture and then reject everyone who isn’t in the “inner circle”. I hear people recite this at their weddings and then treat their spouse as though they were a rug. I even found this on face book when you have a choice to push the “ignore” button rather than accept someone as a “friend”…ouch!! I know people can be dangerous – that’s one thing – but from what I’ve seen from being on facebook, people are rejected because they aren’t accepted into an already established circle of friends. And how did that circle of friends come about in the first place? It seems to me – from my 53 years of observation, 45 years of which were observations done in the church – one person starts the ball of rejection or acceptance rolling. One person!! AND if that one person rejects someone…God help anyone else – in that circle or out – who has compassion enough on the rejected person to try to befriend them.
I know this is an age old “happening” but it gets uglier when it involves people who should know better. People who should know better seem to feel they have more of a right to “make excuses for it”. Well…this person did this to me. Well…this person hurt my feelings. Well…this person LIKED my boyfriend so she will never be my friend or friends with ANY OF MY FRIENDS (said with a warning glance at other friends).
I can’t help but wonder what makes the difference in us, why one person (so many people) can be so mean and make excuses for it while others can’t find it in themselves to be mean by “rejecting” someone else in such a way that it simply says…“I reject you…so there”. As a kid and teen I did that from time to time…a girl stole my sister’s boyfriend. It crushed my sister so I hated the girl and made her life miserable – for about a month – then – when my sister found another guy – I forgot about it and went on with my life. If I saw that girl today I’d apologize to her. I did make her cry once while in school. That haunts me today. There has been only one time as an adult that I have “rejected” someone on purpose. I recently had to cut ties with a woman I have known for 10 years (a family thing). I told her the hurts she had caused my grand children over the past 10 years – which in turn hurt me very much. I waited this long to confront her behavior because my grand children are now grown. Though they are grown she continues to hurt them. So I cut all ties with her. She called and left a 1 minute attempt at reestablishing the relationship and told everyone in the family I didn’t accept her apology!! What apology? The phone message just left excuses for her supposed lack of understanding what the argument was about…no apology. This relationship I won’t “allow” ever again. Why? Because she has caused unreparable damage in my family. That is what she does, she has a history of it. Therefore I can’t take the chance of her continuing that destructive behavior in my family…and she will. How do I know she will? Because she is parading herself as the victim, she didn’t apologize…she made excuses. Still the break in what friendship we had hurts my heart. We did have years of memories and family ties. I did like her as a person and wouldn’t want to add to her “hurts room” (you know, the place in your soul where you store up all your life hurts). But I don’t think I did really hurt her because she didn’t apologize so she didn’t get it…which means she has an ulterior motive, which will keep her continuing on the same path, without any understanding ever seeping into that thick layer of “contention making”. Some people are just like that and you have to recognize it and let go. BUT that is a mature decision. Not a off the cuff, “I don’t like you” childish, purposely hurtful decision. I am 53 and can honestly say this is the first time I have had to cut ties with someone in this way.
So we are back to the why some people never seem to get it. How can you chose to push the “ignore button” when that person is trying to be friends? You don’t have to marry the person, you just have to chose to “walk with them all the way home”. Does anyone get what that means? Or is the world hopeless?