I would like to come out, but my fears get into the way. I know that I am gay, I’ve accepted it for about several years and counting. It wasn’t a out right declaration, but an evoulution of feelings and thoughts. I don’t know what is out there for me, but my life could/will have a different point of view than of a “normal” person.
I have been teased and called gay before I knew what it meant. I have been “caught” looking at other boys butts on my bus. I later found out the meaning of “gay” “homo” and “queer” meant and was confused on why I’d be called this crazy nonsense! I denied what they were saying and iver time, it started to stop.
I always thought “I’m not gay” and I would get offended for being called it. But in the 7th grade, a kid moved to my school from Ohio. I started to have feelings for him. He’s funny, smart, and has beautiful eyes. I’d always think about him at school and at home. He got made fun of because he was “gay”. And to make sure I wouldn’t be called gay by the “cool” kids, I made fun of him too.
For several years I made fun of him, but my feelings grew stronger for him. I thought about him and other boys more, and to picture them naked was becoming normal for me. Thoughts of him aroused me. Other guys were starting to look at pictures of naked women while I looked at photos of men. I started to understand that I am indeed gay, and the mockery of the kids on the bus wasn’t poisoning my brain. The boy I liked has been in my classes ever since 7th, and I have layed off making fun of him and we are now really good friends. I do not know if he is gay, but I have a feeling he is, like a sixth sense. He doesn’t know I’m gay but I really want him to. I think he’d accept it, cause he is mature enough to handle it. I don’t know what will be my next step will be, but whatever it is, I hope it’ll lead me in the right direction. As for my parents, I’ll let time decide what I do. I am more worried what they’d do, but telling my friend could help my confidence.
I may be too young to be gay, but I believe that I am and I won’t let the popular belief of the people around me change that.