i realize I think about stuff way too much LOL

I have spent years carefully avoiding drama and I find I only end up avoiding “people”. This is not the resolution I had hoped for.

My conclusion, “drama” is part of being human. That being the case, I must reconsider. Perhaps I have not accurately defined the problem.

Recent events seem to bring some clarity to defining the problem. There seems to be drama that is not bad, perhaps even good.

My son was arrested for a DUI and spent the night in jail. We worked through it – together. Found an attorney, went to court, paid the fines, and jumped through hoops together. It appears that it was a great experience that brought us closer. This is drama but I don’t have a problem with this.

It almost didn’t work out that way. He was arrested on his birthday – Christmas. Bailed himself out of jail.
But he never spoke a word of it to me – until it was almost too late. Until it was almost an unmanageable inevitability.

And I realize, the drama is not what I wish to avoid. It’s the secrets.

Secrets that are really hidden lies. Secrets that require more lies and more secrets to remain hidden. Until, when they have finally incubated long enough, take on a life of their own and spill across the landscape of multiple lives destroying lives. Vaporizing relationships we have built our lives around. And I realize that the relationship never existed.

So the problem is not “avoiding drama” the problem is creating “good relationships”. We speak of trust and I realize that I do trust – if you use one sense of the word. However, a naive gullibility that accepts a “curious” circumstance and even “curiouser” explanation is not trust and does not promote good relationships.

I believed for years that my partner would “tell me”; would never have believe she was keeping secrets. And if she told me, I believed she would tell me the necessary details.

Listen. Ask questions. Who, what, where, when, why, how.
In a trusting relationship, these questions should be asked regularly, should be expected regularly, should be answered regularly – it’s called talking to each other.

And if you hear the words “why don’t you trust me”, you have to realize that whatever is going on may well put your relationship in jeopardy; they are afraid of loosing you. Time to put on your fire retardant long johns and brace yourself for something you don’t really want to hear.

Or you can put on your boots and find the closest exit – but if you do, you didn’t have a relationship to begin with.