Beth fixing things that are broken
You can not control anyone but yourself. A very wise woman said this to me.
I’m not doing so well at remembering it. I try to control every little situation right down to being the worst backseat driver that has ever lived. Although, admittedly- he did crash the car when I was in it. I think I have a right to be at least a little scared.
However it was two days ago when he was driving me home after a snow storm (ew) because I get dropped off and picked up from work like a rich person ahaha. but seriously. the minivan in front of us hit a snowpile and bam out of control in both lanes of the road. we’re exiting the highway going 50 mph and while we aren’t tailgating- he’s in both damn lanes. and he somehow manages to miss this minvan careening towards us. it was completely out of my hands. and he should have hit that car. if i’d been driving i would have hit that minivan. and that’s just the thing i wasn’t and i can’t control what he does when he drives but i have to trust in him and my decision to let him drive me around and trust that something (God?) will get me where I need to be. Someone was on our side. and that minivan’s side too. We had a big ol’ truck. We would have flipped them all the hell over. and it would have been just absolutely terrible. Anyhow. Instead of being worried over little things like money—although when you really don’t have any it’s a little bigger at that time- because eating is important… but it’s silly to worry about those things that don’t… aren’t going to change your life in some dramatic way. Aren’t going to make you think of things in a different manner for the rest of your life. I’ve already started really working on this in my life as it was. Medning broken fences I suppose. But it just all laid out there in front of me at that moment. And why would I want to waste my time being upset about things when I’m with the person I love and could spend all that time being …in love. I want to be remembered as someone who had a lot of love for life and the world and not as someone who spent time being angry. I don’t want to be angry about anything silly anymore. Not that I won’t get mad when my paycheck is off 500 dollars- but I don’t want to stay mad. I don’t want to hold grudges. For anything less than… things that would really change my life.