Love without loving too much? I have one of those sickening personalities that is slightly obsessive, such as playing a song on repeat 156 times for hours and hours until I finally get sick of it. I continuously eat the same brand of Honey Bunches of Oats (all 10 boxes)... before I switched to Kashi. And no, I don’t have obsessive compulsive behavior, but I do enjoy what I like in great quantities. And once I know I like something, I really like something.

Is it the same way for me and men? Yes. Unfortunately so. Every single guy I consider a potential or am interested in, I instantly start thinking if he has the potential for the future. Why waste your time on ones that you can’t bring home to mom and dad? I’ve already had my share of players, broken hearts, and now dissolved friendships. Yes, I am tired of waiting. I know that is a common complaint, but I also know that I fall too hard with an image that is not all accurate. This is possibly a sign of my own immaturity, maybe once I grow some more (no more emotional growing please __) I can figure out why I love so hard?

I’m not sure why I can like someone so much once I do. Is it desperation? But it doesn’t happen with every guy. Is it naivety? Possibly. Is it idealism? Of course… I am very idealistic.

Suffice to say, I love myself, but I don’t know how many blows my self esteem can take. For some reason there are guys that are interested in me, but that doesn’t raise my self esteem at all. The only time my self esteem is affected is when I get one of those pursuing-then-pulls-away effects. I find that even more offensive because they found something obviously that was wrong with me. If they were never interested, I probably would have never been interested, and everything would have been peachy keen. In any case, I will have to think about this issue further at a later point. For now, it is time to studay.