It is hard not to think in terms of all or nothing, and let one small slip turn into a cycle downward. Lately, I have not been getting enough sleep, I have been full of headaches, I’ve overeaten, and I’ve had nagging shin pain that makes it tough to run. The temperature right now is -2°F. It is the darkest day of the year.

It is so easy to think that at those moments when I want to crawl into bed and read a book or sleep instead of cooking healthy foods or going to the gym or calling up friends to socialize with over non-alcoholic, sugar-free beverages that the real me has reemerged.

It is tempting to think that the time I spent focusing my thoughts, calming and quieting my mind, and engaging in positive thinking was just filler, just a distraction from true the reality of depression and anxiety.

It is easy to think that the person who packs up colorful, healthy salads and stir-fries for lunch, and the person who goes to the gym on days when she doesn’t feel like it, and the person who gets excited to go to the gym on other days and feels euphoric once she’s there—that these people are phonies and impostors.

But I realize that the happy and healthy me isn’t any less real than the depressed, unhealthy me. And at times when I feel sluggish and lazy, the times when I eat and drink too much, and exercise too little, it isn’t my true identity resurfacing. It is just part of me.

And there is another part of me who is strong, and happy and healthy.