luvdlux trying to stay focused...
So I was in a relationship for 4 years, and I think, not sure of every detail, I was dupped for much of the relationship. I was trusting, open and let him spend every other weekend at his kids and ex-wives home so he could spend the weekend away from me and my kids which they hated. Yeah, I know you think he was doing the ex-wife. No…he wasn’t seeing his kids every time. So how often and where was he when he wasn’t with me? I am not sure I caught two instances where he wasnt going to be with me nor the kids and one where I got a call from a friend he stayed with. Then he moved out without consulting me for his kids sake, and then wanted to marry me and live about 200 miles apart. I waited for 4 years thinking we were moving toward marriage and then it was gone. After a second deception (my first was my child-porn loving ex-husband and father of my children-that was the roughest discovery ever) I have a hard time trusting that I can trust wisely. All these guys started GREAT! and then I find out these hidden lives. The problem is my best friend is now my boyfriend and every time he misses a call, doesn’t answer, or his battery dies…I freak out. I am ready to dump him when that happens in order to protect myself and not be blind. But that is not fair, he spends every day he is off work with me (we live 100 miles apart) and he pampers me and he talks to me a million times a day and he hasn’t had a girlfriend in years and I am the first he’s brought home to mom and dad ( we are in our 30s) and somehow, a missed call, a distracted mood, and I reel into this panic of how he could be cheating, or how it could start since we are so far away, or what I may be missing, etc. etc. I wrote a few things today…and it helps hope it helps for you all…
THINGS TO REMEMBER:
1)Trust that what happens is what will happen and you cannot prevent it. Besides, when things happen, they always reap even better opportunities.
2)Have patience, but don’t close your eyes while you wait, enjoy the wait and if the line is too long, you will have spent time well spent.
3)Trust that you cannot know or control everything and what matters is what you get, what you see, and what you feel.
4)What is there to fear?..Never finding true blue? You know there are many more waiting in line to get a chance to be with you whenever you are available…...some you have not even imagined….
5)You are where you are because you want to…no charity….