ce11arXd00r misses that guy
I am currently 21 years old and I have been depressed since about age 12. I remember when it first started I would just start thinking about all these abstract concepts such as the existence of god, my purpose in life, ect, ect. I found no answers but my depression was furthered by the fact that I was the only person I knew that felt this way. I began to realize that not everybody is capable of thinking of things the way I do.
As time went on, I felt more and more alone. I came to the conclusion that life is really meaningless. I became incredibly impulsive and viewed my actions as inconsequential. I did not value myself or anything.
Finally, I decided to attempt to take hold of my life. I went to a psychiatrist and went on antidepressants. I try to make smarter decisions and be in control of my own life instead of being ruled by circumstance, outside forces, people and such.
I still think way too much though. I dont know what to do. Its really not helpful in any way. I dont even think about anything productive, just contemplate life, and not in a practical way. I still am somewhat impulsive and do things that are harmful to my happiness, goals and self. I am currently awake because im coming down from using way too much cocaine (bad decision.. i always feel like total shit the next day physically and mentally)
can anyone even relate to this?
