no one can make this happen for me, except me.
It would be a lot easier to respect myself if I would stop myself when I know I’m about to screw up instead of ignoring that knowledge and moving forward with it anyway.
Related to my first thought, I need to stop looking to other people to find this one. It’s not like confidence, I can’t get it built up by someone else. It’s something within me that have to decide to let shine through. I have to live the way I know I should be living if I’m going to ever have any respect for myself. As long as I continue in the manner of last year, I will feel the same way about myself. If I change, and go back to the good stuff, and improve myself so that I’m even better off then I was then, my self-respect will greatly increase. I need to stop suppressing my inner strength and use it instead. I have been living a lie, lying to myself about myself. I am not weak, I am not as fragile as I like to think. I need to stop acting like I am. I’m also more intelligent then the choices I’ve made this past year would indicate. Too smart for my own good, that’s part of what got me into this mess (LONG story).
Anyway, rambling, typing what I think, not worrying about how put together it is or how much sense it makes to anyone else.