Wildcranberries will be staying for another year.

Excel in the academia (with the abundance paradigm, kindness, co-creativity and joy) (read all 13 entries…)
Coaching, the uselessness of guilt, meaning of life 11 months ago

I’m supposed to stay off 43T until the Big Application is done, but I think if I do this during my lunch hour, it’s ok. I need to write a little in order to find out what I’m thinking.

I had a coaching meeting today, and I felt I was partly going around in circles, not being able to articulate and make clear to myself why I had such problems about making decisions about certain things (the two emails in my Action folder that have remained unanswered the longest, and then veering off to what I should do next year here and what I shouldn’t.) So, an attempt at understanding…

I have conflicting fears: That I’ll waste away this opportunity of working just on research for another year and a half – a very rare and much envied opportunity for academics. But, also, that I’ll waste opportunities that are offered to me here to teach and to tutor. Not only because of CV building, but because I’d like to reach people, to open students’ eyes to things I think are interesting, even to… influence the world a little bit. And to feel more a part of a community than I’ve been doing until now.

There’s a theory that we are here to live, love, learn and to leave a legacy. I think I’m being kind of proactive in the fields of living and loving. Although obviously life is not absolutely great in those areas right now, I know I am taking steps to create a life I want. But, learning and leaving a legacy… I don’t have children and it looks probable I might not ever have any of my own. Books I write and students and colleagues whose minds and lives I touch will be my legacy. And I want that legacy to be the best I can leave.

I know I have been doing less than great on the learning (and excelling) and the legacy-leaving since I stopped being a lecturer last summer. And, I’m trying to figure out… is life, for me, something that should be fully rounded and balanced every week, or every month? Or something where the balance is achieved through periods where one concentrates more on one or two aspects of it at a time, even if that’s at the expense of others?

The latter choice seems more humane, more merciful in some ways – there’s no need to be perfect in everything all the time. In these times, a life conposed of several different projects one after another seems like a norm rather than an anomaly. And yet, I’ve seen unhappiness and dissatisfaction and a sense of missing out on things to result from the serial foci strategy, whether it’s staying at home with a child for more than a year or two (not working on any other projects), or prioritizing career success over relationships and happiness. So, I really don’t know. Maybe the answer lies somewhere in different time perspectives. Neglecting important stuff for other important stuff is ok for a limited time. It must be, because life is organic and flowing. But, somewhere between six months and two years, maybe (I’m just trying to figure this out for myself), it is not ok to live only a partial life. What if I died tomorrow? What if I died in six months? What if I died in six years? All those perspectives on what I’d want my life to have looked like should be there all the time as I live my everyday, maybe.

Jan 23, 2009, 01:33PM PST | 16 cheers


Comments:

Tiisi

Oh, you know, just little stuff...

Here’s my perspective.I’m here to do what I’m doing, whatever it may be at any given slice of time. Love when I love. Learn when I learn.

I haven’t found it useful to try to balance each day with all the elements that I want in my life. That approach stresses me out and disregards inspiration and believe me, I’ve tried it. Mortality isn’t abstract to me. I could die at any time. So could anyone in my life. That fact bumps love to the top of the priority list for me. It’s the one element that is part of my everyday life in my expression and appreciation. It’s an interesting question. Are areas of life and relationships holographic, in that any random piece contains the whole? Or must they be evaluated over time? I don’t think any marriage is 50/50 at any given moment, but the good ones are fairly close to that ratio of giving/receiving over time. We each give in our own way, of course. (rambleramblerambleramble)

I’m lucky that my ambitions aren’t subject to outside evaluation and don’t require external approval. I think I could have an impressive career if I cared, but I’m grateful that I don’t. It gives me more time for the fun stuff.

You are ambitious and gifted and playing in the academic game, which has its own rules and hurdles (and rewards). I have no doubt that you can figure out a way of balancing and moving forward that fits your nature and your gifts.

Jan 23, 2009, 02:17PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 6 cheers

Wildcranberries will be staying for another year.

Thank you, love

for taking the time to read my ramble and answer. It’s funny how strongly I felt the need today to come to 43T to write this out… not because I thought someone else could give me all the answers, but because to me this place has been the place for these kinds of questions in my life. I love this community.

I always enjoy reading you on life, love and everything, Ti. And it gives me the sense I’m proceeding to the right direction when I see a person I admire and respect to list ‘love’ and ‘fun’ as seriously important goals. I like your question about the possibly holographic nature of life and relationships… It makes me want to think on it a bit more. But, sigh, I have a research plan I should be writing. Gah. (((((Ti)))))

Jan 23, 2009, 02:59PM PST | Respond to this 3 cheers

Kalibebti bonfire for Winter Solstice or bust (& I dunno what "busting" is) !

please please WildC, do

write about it if you stumble across any insights! about roundedness, even if just monthly, as opposed to serial emphases.

I will seriously proceed to worship you.

I can´t figure it out. Philosophically I think it should be possible, rationally…doesn´t it just require discipline and a good ability to manage one’s time? And yet…constitutionally, I seem incapable. It involves something more, something emotional, or some control of emotion, for me. I can´t figure it out.

Good luck! Thanks for posting.

Jan 23, 2009, 02:59PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

Wildcranberries will be staying for another year.

nail, head, hit

Your ‘something emotional, or some control of emotion’ – that could, maybe, be the same thing as putting one’s heart into what one is doing at any given moment? Doing things with as much engagement and passion as possible, even if that is not always the most enjoyable or funnest thing to do. And so, a time management program that would ignore that aspect of doing things – the need to fully engage in them – would easily fail, if it assumed that we could just switch our hearts at any given/scheduled minute of the day from one mode to another.

Yet of course there are perils in the heart idea, too, especially for writing people – one cannot sit and wait for a grand passion and inspiration to write. But, hearts surely are also for patient, mindful engagement and work, not just for flaming passions…

I think ‘monthly roundedness’ sounds like an excellent goal. As much as I would love to be worshipped by you, I cannot pretend to have any great insights at the moment though. I can heartily recommend burlesque classes, though, for any ailment of the soul.

Jan 23, 2009, 03:23PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Kalibebti bonfire for Winter Solstice or bust (& I dunno what "busting" is) !

haha, well, to tell you the truth I'm not good at worshiping either

but:

Yes! I think your response that you just wrote just now might actually be very helpful to me…... ;D so thanks: an irreverent thanks.

I’ve been thinking of belly dancing actually!

Jan 23, 2009, 03:37PM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

(This comment was deleted.)

Jan 23, 2009, 03:33PM PST

Kalibebti bonfire for Winter Solstice or bust (& I dunno what "busting" is) !

cheers,

many cheers.

and LOL @ “Advice Casino that is 43T”

Jan 23, 2009, 03:47PM PST | Respond to this

Kalibebti bonfire for Winter Solstice or bust (& I dunno what "busting" is) !

thinking about what you said,

it also occurred to me that this is also a problem of shifting between/among different levels of control. At least when I work, I’ve always benefited from the illusion of total control over the piece of writing, the raw materials I’m processing and my access to the universe of ideas: it’s my baby! Relationship is so different.

....

Jan 23, 2009, 05:09PM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

Wildcranberries will be staying for another year.

Such wise friends I have

Thank you for this, Dom. What you say sounds right to me (burrowing is what I’m doing at the moment, trying to bring a completely new research project into existence and disabling the wireless in my laptop for 90% of the time.) But, just popping in here quickly reminds me that my ideas and problems seem to need both time alone and interaction with wise others to flourish and bear the best fruit… I love this thread, and am really grateful to everyone who’s chipping in. (We should meet again, btw. :))

Jan 26, 2009, 11:17AM PST | Respond to this

melb100 lives in edinburgh!

I don't know, WC

But I know this was a very thought provoking entry. I think that specific goals are definitely easier to achieve when you focus on them one by one, but as for areas of living…it does seem difficult to put one entire aspect of life on hold for any extended period. A series of partial lives, all one after the other,would probably be far more efficient…but I can’t help thinking that if I did die tomorrow, my last thought would probably not be I’m so glad I lived an efficient life.
I suppose we should just be grateful that we were born into a situation which allowed women the luxury of such difficult decisions. It’s still mostly new to us, after all. Maybe in a couple of generations, people will have it all figured out! In the meantime, the best we can do is stumble, and do our best to be proud of our stumblings!
We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.

Jan 24, 2009, 03:22AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 4 cheers

Kalibebti bonfire for Winter Solstice or bust (& I dunno what "busting" is) !

cheers

:D

for:

A series of partial lives, all one after the other,would probably be far more efficient…but I can’t help thinking that if I did die tomorrow, my last thought would probably not be I’m so glad I lived an efficient life.

& extra handful of cheers for:

We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.

Jan 25, 2009, 04:09PM PST | Respond to this 2 cheers

Wildcranberries will be staying for another year.

Wonderful entry, melb

And, how right you are about the great luxury of having difficulties in prioritizing and making up our minds about our life projects. “Freedom to” is what it’s all about, and the historically unprecedented intellectual and emotional possibility of being responsible for one’s own life. We really should celebrate the stumbling and the dancing and the getting lost and the creating of new roads and field. There is no-one else who can say in which direction and in which way we should be going. How scary. How wonderful.

Jan 26, 2009, 11:26AM PST | Respond to this 3 cheers

wren is mightier than grief.

my philosophy

is to stay focused on this day, with a mindful eye on the future that I hope to see, and continually do the next right thing, whatever it may be, to the very best of my ability and with as much love and peace as I can muster.

Jan 24, 2009, 05:10AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 13 cheers

Josh To thine own self be true.

That was awesome!

Well stated and exactly spot on as well! That should be quoted and shared all over the place. :)

Jan 24, 2009, 09:03AM PST | Respond to this 3 cheers

Wildcranberries will be staying for another year.

That's beautiful,

wren. It sounds very right. Thank you for writing this!

Jan 26, 2009, 11:27AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

wren is mightier than grief.

You're very welcome.

I hope you find it helpful.

:)

Jan 26, 2009, 12:08PM PST | Respond to this 3 cheers


Wildcranberries has gotten 16 cheers on this entry.

 

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