My father and I were very close where as my mother and I were not. When I was 10 he died, leaving me alone with my mother. Within 2 months she was out every weekend at bars and dating other men. This happened for 2 years straight until she started to date a few different men seriously. When I was 14 she finally met her current boyfriend and they have been dating for 10 years now.
The problem is I hate her for dating so soon, I hate her for leaving me by myself all those weekend nights less that 2 months after my father died.
We recently talked about this and she feels that she did it all in my best interest.
Because of this I have never felt close to her and always had a close group of friends to see as family.
I moved across country 3 years ago and have made friends but none as close to the group of friends I once had.
I think that a lot the things I dislike in my life, low self esteem, depression, staying with men who have cheated on me or hurt me are because of my past. The only way I feel that I can get over my past is having a family of my own but I don’t think that I will end up getting married, so I’m trying to find a way to get over my past without having my own family