okay so 6 months ago, i wrote an entry basically saying “i’m waiting for my bf to grow up with me”. well, guess what. i’m still waiting. i’m not sure that i want to wait any longer. i have a great attitude toward life, but thats only because whenever i get in a bad mood, its because of kiley. and then i find myself thinking “well, he can’t dictate my feelings. fuck him, i’m going to do what i gotta do to have a good night.” and when i think that (which is basically every night that i go out with him) then i ignore him and avoid all sexual contact with him (even tho what i get is minimal, and what i do receive is way too over-the-top/why-are-you-baby-ing-me kind of way that i’m totally turned off anyways and don’t want to be around him)(and yet i find myself having a great time with other guys when he’s not around)(and i seriously gave thought to cheating on him tonight, which makes me seriously think about breaking up with him) he’s the only one that effects my mood so much. i ask him to be more attentive, but when he is, i don’t want it. i don’t know if its the baby voice he uses (and thinks is sexy, but is totally not, which i have tried to confront him on but he obviously doesn’t get it) or if its just because i’m not attracted to him anymore. but i can’t picture my life without him…. uhhhg.