I’ve been daily a pot smoker for close to 20 years.

I don’t think you’re a pussy at all. It’s HELL trying to give up. The pot restricts our ability to cope when we’re not stoned or don’t have access to it. Trying to give up can put us in a mental state that jeopardises our sanity and relationships due to the way it makes us act and feel. Don’t know about you but I’m a hazard to myself and others if I don’t have it – it scares the hell out of me. So it is easier to just keep smoking.

I did give it up for close to a year but only after 6 months worth of antidepressants and a few sleeping pills. I did finally feel great though. I felt social, lost my smokers cough & bad breath and I had saved close to $4000! IT IS REALLY GOOD BEING OFF POT. The hard part is travelling that really shitty road to get there!

Don’t underestimate the power of antidepressants. They do work. Many people say that they don’t want to replace one drug with another – “dont want to jump on the ‘Happy Pills’ bandwagon”. But I have done this and it worked. They cost $30 a month verses $300 (aussie $$) for pot and have way less consequence and more benefit. They do help your mental state and make it easier to cope in general. It’s just getting that courage up to go to a doc and tell them “I’m a bit fucked up and i would like to give anti depressants a go”. i think this is one of the hardest steps but most vital.

Unfortuntely, in that time of ‘feeling great’ I made the silly decision to move back to my home town and get a mortgage with my younger sister. My sister was always selfish as a kid but I hadn’t lived with her for 20 years and had no idea of the extent of her selfishness. It was only after we moved in together and signed on the dotted line for the mortgage that I found out just how aggressive, abusive, domineering and selfish she really is. I’m not coping with her or the decision I made. I now have a raging pot habit again, no money, a broken down car that I can’t afford to replace, I’m depressed and have a crappy chest infection I can’t shake. I desperatly want to give up again and am now facing that ugly thought again.

MY SISTER IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE SO I HAVE TO. We cannot change the people that infuriate us so we must change ourselves.

I’m seriously thinking of going to the doctor and getting another round of anti depressants but I haven’t lived here for 12 years and no longer have a regular doctor here. I will have to bight the bullet and talk to a complete stranger that may or may not judge me. I WILL take that step if things do not improve and I cannot give up on my own.