All the days seem to merge into one now. I feel like I’m walking around in a daze, or in a nightmare, hoping to God somebody will wake me up soon.

He texted me the other day, saying that he knew I said I needed some time but he was just checking I was okay. Of course I’m not bloody okay. The guy I love and possibly the love of my life (although if we don’t get back together I hope he isn’t since I’ll be very lonely) has just broken my heart and I have some rather important exams in about 3 weeks that count for, ooh, nearly HALF my degree…what do you think?!

Idiot.

He’s not an idiot really. Okay well he might be a little bit but I still love him. Oh god why do I have to love him??

People keep telling me that single life is great because you can be independent and do whatever you want but to be honest, everything seems meaningless without him. Yeah, okay, whatever I do now I do entirely for myself and I don’t have to think about how he feels about it, but that’s just it – I liked doing things for him. That’s one of my main aims in life, to please the people I love, because that’s what makes me happiest. I enjoyed cooking him breakfast in bed, surprising him with little presents like coca cola lollypops and his favourite cigarettes and doing what he wanted me to do in the bedroom :P because I loved seeing that I’d made him happy. It felt awesome.

And now I can’t do that anymore.

I can, however, listen to “Beautiful” by Akon on repeat :)