Just a couple of ideas. I would start out looking for your common ground. Are there things that you and your mother both enjoy doing? Spend a little time doing a few things together, just enjoying each other.

When she says something that raises your hackles, stop and think a moment before you open your mouth too fast and say something that will put distance between you. If you need to disagree, find a gentler tone of voice and better words to do so without sounding like you are angry.

Be careful how you respond if she says something that hurts your feelings. In my family if one hurts the other feelings the tendency is to strike back. That only sets up a vicious cycle and then everybody thinks the other person hates them – when in fact they all love each other! Oy. Better to say “that hurt my feelings, is that really what you meant?” or something like that.

I hope these help.