It just seems like most people walk around portraying the idea of who they want to be, acting the way they think they should act so other people will like them. I don’t want to be afraid to say what’s on my mind. We can walk the walk and talk the talk, but without ourselves are we really happy?
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to what you have said. I can’t wait til I find the courage to be myself and am able to say what I think without worrying what others will think of me.
Hard task but one I want badly!
glad to hear it :)
I see a lot of people who work to portray someone they are not.. which I don’t see as ever being fulfilling. I think the fact that we are even trying means a lot, and I guarantee one day it will be worth it!
Yeah I agree
I find depending on who I am around at the time, I try to make myself into the sort of person I think they want me to be just so they like me. This is no good as it makes me come across as not genuine and then if you are in a group of people who normally you would act differently with individually, that can pose a bit of a problem. It’s all about knowing who you are and how you want to come across, what your morals are and where your boundaries lie, and then having the courage to stop acting and be yourself in every situation. Tricky but like you say it will definitely be worth it in the end.
Thanks for all your replies.
With regards to my fear of the telephone, I’m no better at this yet but I think this problem is a sort of by-product of not ever having been myself at work. If i can fix the ‘being myself’ issue I think that would certainly help a lot to ease the fear of making phone calls and would also solve a lot of other problems.
I’ve got to the stage now where I haven’t been myself for so long that I don’t know if I can stay around the same people and change, as they think they know the real me and I don’t want them to find out I have been ‘conning’ them. I feel I may need to move on completely and make some new friends, get a new job so I can start afresh and be me!
You mentioned hypnotherapy in another of your replies – it’s funny I was actually thinking this morning before i read your post that I think its time I tried this – I’ve tried other stuff like cbt but I definitely need something more powerful and I would like to give hypnotherapy a go. Only thing is I think its quite expensive, have no idea where to go for it etc. and unsure how it actually works.
I know exactly what you mean, I used to be like that too. And like you, I used to be so scared to change because of what everyone would think of me. I felt like I had to live inside their expectations. Then I realized; they don’t know me. And so I did change, and I found that everything I was scared of happening didn’t. In fact, the opposite happened. People wanted to be around me more, I met a lot of new people and I found a closer connection with my friends. They’re not going to see you as conning them, people change, it happens. And even if they did… who cares? In order to really be yourself you need to drop the fear of what people think of you, which is REALLY hard to do, but definately worth it.
Yes, hypnotherapy. I’ve been hypnotizing people since I was 12, and your case definitely sounds like you would benefit from some. I believe it should cost you around $300-500 for the several sessions a hypnotherapist would give you for this sort of thing. Try looking it up in your local phone book, or online, I’m pretty sure most cities have at least one.
A hypnotist is kind of like a travel guide for your mind; contrary to popular belief he does NOT have control over you. He guides you down into the subconscious of your brain, and this is where many thought patterns and belief systems are stored. It can be difficult to change these thought patterns through conscious thought, therefore a hypnotherapist goes straight to the root of the problem. He cannot make you do anything you don’t want to though, so make sure you are willing to change, which I believe you are.
This website might explain it better:
A lot of people who are uneducated about hypnosis find the idea scary, but I assure you that you will be able to still have a normal thought process, and that if at ANY time you feel uncomfortable you just have to open your eyes and come out of it. If you have any more questions feel free to ask :)
this site has a lot of info as well
Thanks for the info
on hypnotherapy, I’m definitely going to have some sessions.
It sounds like you have already made a lot of progress in changing peoples perceptions of you and I admire that because I know how difficult it is. A lot of people like you say seem to go around trying to be something they are not and it is good that we are not settling for that.
I want people to know the real me (not that I fully know the real me yet either, but the part I do know I haven’t let others see) so that needs to change. I know I’m not a bad person so my fear is unfounded really.
It’s the whole thing of if I am going to be the real me that means I will also have to be assertive and stand up for myself rather than just letting people walk over me and not saying what I think like I do now. That’s the scariest bit. I think people like the fact I appear ‘easy going’ and therefore like you say I find myself living inside THEIR expectations. It’s really infuriating knowing you are effectively letting other people control how you are and who you are due to fear. If only we could change overnight!
I have found on some occasional good days where I have been a bit more confident and assertive that people do react more positively towards me so that should tell me my fears are unfounded.
I want to be someone who is straight talking, doesn’t take any crap from anyone but someone who people still like and this is definitely possible.
It’s been nice talking to you.
Good luck with your goals! Hope to talk again sometime. Perhaps I will let you know how the hypnotherapy goes!
Have just rung a couple of places about hypnotherapy. Was just wondering how long or how many sessions do most people generally need to overcome their problems completely? Mine is obviously confidence issues.
I have spoken to 2 places.
One says I will need about 6 sessions and they charge £50 and the other says 1 hr is generally sufficient for most people to overcome their problems and it is £100. Or they do a 2hr session which combines hypnotherapy, training to learn how to do self-hypnosis, nlp and cbt – and thats £160.
Which do you reckon would be best?
Good luck :)
I think I have made a lot of progress, but there is definitely room for improvement. ;)
I agree, I used to think that by not standing up, people would like me better or something because I was “easy going”. But the truth is, most people respect someone who does stand up, and is not afraid to be themselves. I wish we could change overnight too; my progress has taken 3 years and is still unfinished… but I guess it wouldn’t be as rewarding were it that easy. :)
Any place that takes 6 sessions to make a change, is definitely NOT worth going to. A good hypnotherapist SHOULD be able to do it in one. I would go with the two hour session because you also would get taught self-hypnosis which is very handy, and having some good nlp skills really helps too. In fact, many people can overcome a difficult problem with simply an NLP trick rather than having to be full out hypnotized. My knowledge of these have definitely helped me in my life.
I’ve enjoyed talking with you too. It’s really good to see you’re taking action for this; I know you will be able to overcome it! And please do let me know how the hypnotherapy goes! Good luck. :)
I will go with the 2 hr session then :-)
Haven’t really looked into NLP before but I keep hearing and seeing it around so will have to go and buy a book.
Good luck with all your goals :-)
I wasn’t impressed at all!
Feel like I wasted £160.
The hynotherapist said I would take good feelings away with me and they would stay with me but I didn’t. He also said I had to practise self hypnosis a lot but I haven’t been. Maybe it would work if I did.
All it is really when it comes down to it though in my opinion is positive self talk and I don’t need to pay someone to tell me how to do that.
Very disappointed! Something else which hasn’t worked.
I’m really sorry to hear that.
Well hopefully all is not lost, you have now learned self-hypnosis! You should practice self-hypnosis, even if you’re not giving any direct instruction, it is very good for helping you become more in tune with your subconscious, kind of like meditation. I usually induce a trance at night right before I fall asleep and it helps me calm my mind and relax. And then perhaps from there you can move on to giving yourself suggestions while in that state… Because in the end, it is true that the only person who can change your life is you.
I think if you felt the session just came down to simply positive self talk, then you probably weren’t quite in it, or your hypnotherapist wasn’t effective at helping you to break down negative mental patterns and create new ones.
Was he at least qualified in his NLP techniques? Did he teach you any swish, or even just modelling techniques?? Often I’ve found these simple tricks to be even more powerful than actual hypnosis.
Its disappointing but never mind. I should try and practise the self hypnosis though so I might do that each night while I’m going to sleep.
The hypnotherapist reckoned I went into quite a deep trance but I don’t know if I did really. He said you should get the feeling of not being able to open your eyes as they are too heavy but I could open them :-s?
There was supposed to be NLP involved but I don’t remember him teaching me any NLP come to think of it.
I’m sure it works for some people but it hasn’t for me but at least I know that now so I can tick that off my list :)
All the best to you x
It's hard to say
whether you were in deeply or not, most people aren’t a very good judge of themselves, especially on the first time. Hypnotherapists are usually pretty good at guessing the level of trance just from your breathing patterns, body movements, etc; after all they see a lot of people in trance. Often people in hypnosis don’t feel like they are in hypnosis because it is such a natural state. I’ve put people in hypnosis, made them do crazy things, and then after they will tell me they didn’t think they were hypnotized!
It sounds like he used the Elman induction which usually works on most people, but everyone is different. When he told you you couldn’t open your eyes, and you say you could, did you actually open your eyes? Or did you just think, “I know I could open my eyes right now”? Because if it was the second one, chances are you were hypnotized, but your common sense was just telling you that it would be ridiculous not to be able to open your eyes. Yet you didn’t did you? ;)
That’s dissapointing you didn’t learn any NLP, it doesn’t sound like you got your money’s worth. :(
You should look up the swish technique, it’s a very popular and also powerful one. You can do it yourself in about 10 minutes. If you do it right, you should notice results right away. Basically what it does is train your mind to associate a good feeling with a bad one. That is, you can make it so that feeling nervous automatically becomes a “trigger” for feeling amazingly confident, and the new feeling overrides the old. The key is in the emotion, make yourself visualize the images so clearly that you literally feel really nervous, or confident, etc.
Here’s one description of it:
and here is also a recording that’ll guide you through it which might be easier. I haven’t listened to it yet, but it was recommended to me by an NLP practitioner whose advice I trust.